24

24 weeks!

Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound. Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

Well, as fans of the tv show, Jack Bauer seems the obvious choice this week. A foot and a pound, that reminds me of yesterday on the way to Damon and Dylan's baseball game. Your foot pounded me right into the bone. I gasped out loud. : )

People seem to love seeing my little belly sticking out. I love it, too.
They've told me lately how much I've popped out, or how much bigger I'm getting. I say, "Thank you!". I know it'll only last a short while, and likely will never happen again. I still look in the mirror sometimes and can't believe I'm pregnant. (tee hee) We're due for another belly picture, since we're starting 6 months today.

I look pregnant for sure and I am starting to feel it more every week. My back has started to ache a bit. It's always been a weaker spot, likely helped out by my sway back. Sitting forward is becoming a more necessary position as well, with your constant kicking back. I'm hoping to start some prenatal yoga this coming week, which I think will be great for us both. I hope I can make that a priority amongst some of other responsibilities I have. I know my little village will help. <3

I love you little boy.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Sly Stone

23 weeks starts today. Let's get our groove on.

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With his sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that he's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see him squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in his lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing his for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze him when she hears them outside the womb.

I often feel you kick when music is comes on, or if Reece and I are singing. No doubt you're getting some of our groovy genes.Dance to the Music seems so appropriate this week, and thus I'll call you, Sly Stone.

For you young 'uns, it was a hit in 1968 (the year of my birth) and one of the first songs put in the genre of psychedelic soul. Dig it! Also, it is number 223 in Rolling Stones' list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.

Just so you know, Fleetwood (1997 album entitled The Dance), Garth Brooks (The Dance), David Bowie (Let's Dance) were other name options this week. ; )
But tried and true I'm a Disco Momma, and so this week we will Dance to the Music.

Lord, thank you for music, for dancing, and for another day.

Textbook

22 week appointment was this morning. First one Daddy missed. He stayed home sick today feeling so terrible. But, he picked a good one to miss.

No sono this week, just sweet, sweet sounds of the heartbeat (150 bpm).
I measured on track, my weight is right on track (8 1/2 lbs to date), and I passed all questions with flying colors. Dr H said we were 'textbook'.

Textbooks usually sound pretty boring, but not to me. I know God put you there, little boy, and there is nothing in the med books about that. There is some stuff, however, in another book that I'd like to think Dr H is also noting. ; )

Thank you, Lord, for another day. Textbook or not, it has already been written in your book. I am grateful.

Emmitt

22 weeks.
We're football fans. On this week #22, you're Emmitt.
I'd say based on your brother and our genes, you've got better chance to be a 5' 9" running back than an over 6ft QB or receiver. And, you've got some great dancing genes from your great grandparents. Some even say mom and I have some moves ourselves. ; )

At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

Squash reminds me of something that Darren says a lot. If I (try to) hold in my stomach, he says, "Don't squish my baby." It always makes me laugh.
Maybe I'll try something with spaghetti squash this week. I've always meant to try it. It says you're good year round. ; )

And speaking of round, we may need more frequent belly shots, as you can pretty much call me 'Lil Round' this week. ; ) I've already had to ditch 1 pair of pregger pants b/c they dug into you. I dig you, sweet boy, but don't want anything digging into you (or me either!) My belly button is flattening more every day.
And, earlier this week, I was unable to restrain a slight bit of air that escaped my body. Sorry, Lisa! Seriously, is that happening already? If you think it's TMI, then just consider it a warning. ; )

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

A Feeling

Your big brother felt you move tonight. Waaaayyyy cool.
He loved it and we loved it.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

A visual

We can see you bump and thump my belly, little boy.
I have been able to see your subtle movements for a while, but it's easier for me as I feel them inside too. Now, Daddy can see them.

And boy, do you like to dance. Oh, yes, there IS much to celebrate. <3

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Braxton

Braxton and not the Toni kind.
Tonight I'm feeling Braxton Hicks for the first time. Feels soooo early to have them. But, I keep hearing how I'm somehow sensitive to my body, including these kinds of things. They don't hurt, but is a tightening around my belly.

Planning to drink some water and relax on the couch w/ my hub.

rejoicing and mourning

Sweet Millye passed out this bible verse last week on a little yellow piece of paper:

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
Romans 12:15

It sits on my kitchen window sill and I read it multiple times a day, as I'm in the kitchen a lot. Each time I see it, I think about many of you and what you've been going through.There are so many hurting, struggling, and mourning, it overwhelms me. Ted, Alissa, Caren, Angela and your family, Christy (whom I met today), Kim, Angie, are just a few. At the same moment that I rejoice this little bean sprout, I also ache and mourn with you.

This past week, I learned of another miscarriage and now a new life growing there. ; )
I know so many others that have been mourning and are also now rejoicing. Know that when I think of you, I still remember and pray for your pain and yet also celebrate with what God has now given you. Some of you have continued following this little blog, even while going through what you have been. I'm sooo humbled by that.

And there are others that are rejoicing with a new life God has planted, or healing that has begun. I am thinking of you, and celebrating with you each day.

Although I may not be bringing meals, calling, and coming to visit as much as I'd like (or in some cases at all), know that my heart is with you. Daily I think of you, mourn with you, rejoice with you, and pray for you.

I'm rejoicing AND mourning.
Love you.
<3

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Ty Bo

21 weeks!
Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like he's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to his activity as you get to know him better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now.

Ty Bo McDonald will be your name this week, as you are wiggling, squirming and kicking all throughout the day now. About 9-9:30pm, you consistently practice your taekwondo. Oh and about 30 minutes after I eat is more cardio-boxing time.

I'm feeling good these days. I've so enjoyed my some recent photography gigs, and can even still lay on the ground to shoot. ; ) Now, if I can just organize and manage my time to get the editing done, I'll be in great shape.

Reece has had a bit of a whiny week, which has made it a tougher one for both of us. But, I really treasure my time with him these days, knowing there will be a time soon when that will change sooo much. <3

Someone told me today that two is hard, and I told them I heard it is twice as hard. She said, "more than twice". Yikes. I am praying that the Lord prepare me for this time. I am also thankful for friends that I know will walk alongside me and my family. I pray to struggle well.

It is all worth it for this beautiful new life you will bring into our family, baby boy. You complete us.

I've been holding off getting your room ready, but it's been hard to wait. There is time. Maybe in another month or so...
but, in the mean time, thank you, Lord, for another day!

One of those moments

Today I had one of those moments.
I kept it quiet (and I think unnoticed), but it was a sweet one.

The room was filled with discussion about Job and his so called 'friends' who associated health, wealth, and prosperity with being right with God. Contrarily, they associated pain and suffering with sin. Since Job was suffering, he MUST have done something to deserve that.

Oh how I remember when we were trying to get pregnant with Reece, I thought maybe I didn't deserve a baby because of things I had done in my past. Praise you, Lord, that you are a God of grace.

I was listening to the discussion, but for a moment, there was another sound that I just closed my eyes and listened to. It was the sweet, sweet sounds of 4 babies cooing, gurgling, grunting, and babbling that caught my ear.

I remember the first few weeks at bible study so clearly, wondering why I was put in this group with soooo many newborns and pregnant women. God had brought me to a peace about not being able to have another child...but still, it seemed like a cruel joke.

Today, I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds, the very sounds that may have left me a little bitter months ago, fill me with something so different now.

My eyes pooled with tears as I felt overwhelmed with gratefulness.

Reece asked me last night with his head tilted slightly and his nose crinkled, "How'd that baby get in your belly?"
"God put it there, sweetie", I replied. (more on that later)

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

2 and a Half Men

20 weeks today. We're half way there, and I officially am living with 2 and a half men. "Mennnn."
I still reach down, touch my belly, and get the warmest, sweetest surprise. It should have settled in by now I suppose, but I am still overwhelmed in the littlest of moments when I realize that it's ME that's pregnant. Oh how thankful I am.

You're at the halfway mark — congratulations! Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (The way your baby is measured changes now.) He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (although some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).

Bananas are a regular and a favorite around here, and reminds me of a very yummy non-chocolate desserts...Bananas Foster. Both Darren and Reece's middle name (and a precious 1 year old I know), that's what I'll call you this week, sweet boy...Foster.

You almost always kick when I'm talking about you, and now as I'm writing this. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that.

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

Vacation Celebration

In celebration of your coming and our 8th wedding anniversary, mommy and daddy went on a little trip just us (and you of course). Your big brother was in tender, loving (and spoiled!) care with his Grandmama. Oh, you are going to love her!

We both love the blue, blue water of the ocean.
It reminds me of God in it's power and majesty, beauty, and best of all, the peace it brings.

As soon as we got here, we headed straight for a view of that water.You will learn soon enough that Daddy loves fishing. This morning, he went fly fishing for redfish.

While I got up early, it was a relaxed start with breakfast for the two of us (me and you baby) in my jammies. As I munched, I thought about how daddy and I went fishing the day we found out we were pregnant with your big brother. When I was 3 months pregnant with him, we took a vacation (and him of course) at a fishing lodge. Oh how fun it is to be here again. I was so thankful to have the morning with you, sweet boy.

I was a lot cuter in my own mind than when I saw this picture daddy took of me (and you). But, I promised a belly picture, AND I am celebrating every day I get to carry you in there. I won't be wearing bikini's for long (or maybe ever again), but today at the pool, I did. ; )People are noticing that I'm pregnant now and often not afraid to ask when you're due. Others comment on how I've popped out, and almost always I smile, agree, and say "thanks!".

I don't want to gain a ton of weight, but I'm not worrying much about that. I love my bump, being poochy, and all those comments about how big or cute it is. I'm sure as the heat of the summer strikes and you grow and grow, that will be harder to appreciate. But, I hope and pray that I don't lose this perspective.
I am so thankful to have you, my little baby boy.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Mater

na-na-na-na 19...weeks.
Your baby's sensory development is exploding! His brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that he may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to him, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.

Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. His arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of his body now. His kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on his scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on his skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

Oh I hope his hair is growing, Reece didn't have any for about a year, I think.
I can tell some great growth has been going on in there, sweet baby, because people are starting to notice my belly.

They glance down a lot. And every now and then a friend can't resist and will touch my belly. I love it all.

This week, I'll call you Mater. I love Mater, both WITH and WITHOUT the tuh. Kirsten says that I think just about anything is better by adding a tomato to it. Today, I agree with her. <3

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.
Later, Mater.

Alexander

18 weeks.
"Head to rump, your baby is approximately 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His genitals are noticeable now..."

Noticable...I'll say!

Oh and my little wiggle worm, you are soooo busy. The dr told me where your head was but I already knew. Your legs kick and kick on the left. While you move around a lot, you typically kick on that side. : )

We're still no closer on a name, so this week I'll call you Alexander Graham. ; )

Thank you, Lord, for kicking legs, for boys, and for another day.

Official

Friday's sono made it official.He was a wiggle worm; Dr. H even used that term!

Other details:
- I gained 4 1/2 lbs total in the pregnancy so far. Dr H. thought that was good. ; )
- It was our first tummy measurement. He measuring right on track.
- The sono estimated Aug 15th, which 1 day after our due date. Reece often measured 1 day after too. Sometimes I couldn't remember if his due date was Dec 22nd or 23rd. He came right on time. I wonder if this little guy will.

Most importantly, he looks great. We saw every part, including the umbilical cord which is amazingly thick. Dr H is pretty great with the machine, because seriously that guy was moving around soooo much I couldn't contain my laughter, which didn't help either. ; )

Reece was done halfway through and ready for his lollipop. He didn't ask Dr H any questions this time, but asked specifically NOT to hear the heartbeat. The sound creeps him out a bit, even though I told him how important it was and why it makes that sound. He's a cutie, and Dr H obliged. We saw that heart beating though, and it still makes time stand still a little.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

2 perfect little eggs

In writing an annversary poem two nights ago, I glanced back at this past year on my blog. It revealed another piece to the story I hadn't noticed.

April 19th, just 9 days after the bean plant grew 2 sprouts,
I blogged...A little dove made it's nest in the tree in the backyard.
She flew away promptly when we were taking a look,
and revealed 2 perfect little eggs.

Two perfect little eggs. I broke into tears the other night when I saw the picture again and then read the 2 lines below. Somehow I had missed it.

And then today, I realized this. The title of the post was "#2 is number 1." We had gone to FW to see Dylan's baseball game. He's the 2nd of 2 children, 2 boys. And on that day, he wore the number 2 on his jersey.

I'm just sayin'. (but really, I'm just crying a big blubbery mess over here.)

Today at bible study, tears streamed down my face as I sang,
"Who am I"...
"Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are"

(I didn't include them all, here, but EVERY WORD hits home. Click here and take just a sec to read them again.)

Not because of who I am or anything I've done, Lord, but because of who you are and what you've done.
Lord, let me not be complacent about the miracle you have done here, the incredible love and grace you've shown us, and the joy and gratefulness I have because of it.

Thank you, Lord, that I am yours.
And, thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.
My heart grieves for a friend that didn't get another one today.
Lord, catch them now; they're falling, and tell them who they are...they are yours.

Daddy's turn

Pete (no that's not his real name, see previous post) was moving around late tonight. I grabbed Darren's hand and HE FELT IT!
He felt you move, sweet boy.
I have a feeling I may call you a monkey man just like I did your brother.

Oh such a great moment to remember tonight on the evening before our 8th anniversary.
~~~
In other notes, somehow I gained 20 pounds in the past 3 days. I feel like I did anyway. Perhaps that growth spurt you were on last week, caught up with me. Even a friend I see often agreed I had grown. Well, you have grown, baby boy, and for that I am so grateful.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Sexy & Seventeen

This week I got my greys covered and a new sassy do.
I figured we were due for a belly shot and the timing was perfect.
Seventeen weeks.It truly surprises me how little my belly looks. From my point of view, it's much larger. And, I've already found myself rubbing it all the time...sweet baby boy.Your baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — his lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and he's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. He can move his joints, and his sweat glands are starting to develop.

With your little sweat glands progressing, I can think of no better, funnier name for you this week than Pete Schweddy. If that makes you turnip your nose, well consider this...'Bone Head' was another option. ; ) Hope that made a few of you giggle.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Daily dose

Still not craving much yet, although carbs, cheese, and fries usually sound the best. However, I've been eating pretty well, including a daily dose of a homemade smoothie.With Reece, I regularly got Strawberry Patches (no sugar or honey, add blueberry) from the Smoothie Factory. This time, I'm making my own.
Reece is a HUGE fan too, requesting one just about every morning.
To remember my morning delight, here's the usual recipe:

- unflavored protein powder
- 1 banana
- frozen strawberries
- frozen blueberries
- (sometimes) frozen pineapple
- (sometimes) flax seed meal
- splash of Valencia orange juice (fav o.j. it's even more delicious than Simply Orange.)
- a little water

That's your daily dose, little guy. I hope you like it.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Sweet Sixteen

16 weeks. Sooo sweet.

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too.

The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

Avocados immediately make me think of Reece's first experience with them: Ralph A. Cado. Hmmm, I think I'll pass on that name this week. ; )

Instead, I'm celebrating this sweet sixteen with candles.
Baby, this week, you are my little Jake Ryan.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

apple Mac

Today starts 15 weeks.

Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). He's busy moving amniotic fluid through his nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in his lungs begin to develop. His legs are growing longer than his arms now, and he can move all of his joints and limbs. Although his eyelids are still fused shut, he can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, he's likely to move away from the beam.

Being fairly certain you are a boy hasn't made thinking of names any easier for us. It is sooo hard. I mentioned a few to Darren, none of which he liked. The one he suggested, I didn't like.

We've got plenty of time for that, my little wiggle worm.
For now, or this week at least, I'll call you Mac, apple Mac.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Mixed

I've been feeling so much better.
The congestion is still major, but I will absolutely take that over nausea and headaches. I will take that ANY DAY. I've got much more energy and even my smiles are back.

But...some news this week and the past couple of weeks just aches my heart immensely. While so many women seem to be pregnant right now, I know a few that are suffering through miscarriage and loss. I have burst into tears for these women.

Why them. Why not me?
I go back 9 weeks when I had similar thoughts.

What I do know is that I'm no one special. I'm no more special, Godly, righteous, or worthy of a blessing than these women. I am definitely no more worthy.

God, please be a shelter for these families with your love and hope for eternity.
Their faith has been inspirational. Your promises are even greater.

Thank you for this little bean sprout. Know that I hold onto it tightly, preciously, and with great, great thankfulness.
My heart aches in pain for them, and it also aches with gratefulness for what You've given us. Every day right now feels a little mixed.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Funny face

Today starts 14 weeks.

"Welcome to the second trimester! Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb. Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb. In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces."

I'd squint and make funny faces too if I was a lemon. ; )
I love to hear about the expressions right now.
That's one thing I'm full of.

While Reece has Darren's handsome looks, he certainly has my expressions and chatty mouth. So, I'd like to think this week is when our little baby is getting all of my funny faces.
And that puts a smile on this momma's face.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Oh brother

Today was our 13 week appointment, and oh so fun.

Everything looked great including the heartbeat, which we got to hear again (153 bpm). Reece isn't a fan of the heartbeat sound, but did like seeing that little baby move.The finger looks a little Red Raider-ish, but just before this pose it was sucking its thumb. So, I'd like to think the thumb was still wrapping around, and the baby was really pointing upward as so many paths leading to this day have.We hunted around checking all sides and all the body parts, and learned something else. Dr. H doesn't usually call it this early, but once he told us where the two thigh bones were, we all agreed that we saw something.
BOY.
So, while it's not official just yet, for now we're saying Reece is having a baby brother. OH, BOY!

3 going on 6

I feel like I'm 3 months preganant going on 6. I'm so much bigger than with Reece, and already find myself sitting down a ton and taking those deep exasperating breaths.

I feel good though, especially for 6 months pregant. ; )
I've basically had nothing to report in the headache department since the 2nd acupuncture appointment and the nausea is significantly less too. Hallelujah! Eating often is important with both of those. The congestion is the only thing that won't let go. I sure wish it would, as it would be nice to one day breathe just a little through my nose again.

Even though I feel large, I haven't gained much actual weight...one or two pounds. That seems crazy as I look down at this tummy.

3 months or 6 months, I'm still so happy to be here.
And so thankful to be sharing this journey with some friends and neighbors too. Speaking of neighbors, we have 4 pregnant women on our very short block.
It's still hard to believe one of them is me.
8 babies within a year...so far. And one set of neighbors is FINALLY getting to bring their twin baby girls home today. Thank you, Lord!

Thank you for so many friends and so many blessings, and thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

For him

There is more to the story of this miracle that I haven't shared yet.
And it's a very important piece.

Back in April '07, I got my second big memory verse: 1 Peter 3: 1-5.
Read the post here.

I'd been praying this same prayer for years, but God showed me that being the kind of wife He designed me to be, was one of the most important things I could do. So, I began focusing more on my guy, or maybe it's better to say I focused more on things that would bless him, sometimes just in little ways. Mainly, I tried to focus on being more righteous than right, which was a big one for this prideful gal.

Once we became ready to try for a child, I prayed to God for wisdom. I prayed often and throughout the process. Many people prayed for us and with me. I prayed for another child, I prayed for wisdom in what to do, I prayed for God's will. And, sometimes, I just sat and tried to listen.

And when I just listened, I consistently got the same answer.
I knew it was God because it was kind of a strange answer...

"Focus on him."

Here I was praying for a child, praying for wisdom to try, not to try, to intervene, to not, etc..., and this 'answer' about my guy seemed out of place.
Oh, but how it wasn't.

God was planning a miracle.
It was a miracle grand enough to address at least two of my biggest prayers in one. It was also a miracle that couldn't go unnoticed. Doctors said invitro was it. My God said He was.

My guy now knows this little bean sprout is absolutely a gift from God. Without question.
This miracle wasn't for me. And, it wasn't for Reece to have a sibling to grow up with.

It was for him...even just to see a glimpse of the love his Father has for him.

We asked, we sought, we knocked. God gave us peace.
And then God gave us the most unexpected, unbelievable, undeserved gift.

I am COMPLETELY overwhelmed by this gift, Lord, not just because of the little life that grows inside of me, but how You answered my prayers and brought my love one bit closer to You.

Soaked right now with tears of thankfulness, thank you, Lord, for another day. May your great name known by my love and all those that you love, Lord.
AMEN.

Shrimpy

13 weeks
Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, veins and organs are clearly visible through the still-thin skin, and the body is starting to catch up with the head — which makes up just a third of its body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce. As you start your second trimester, most of your baby's critical development will be completed and your odds of miscarriage drop considerably.

Sooo cool. The stuff about the eggs is A-mazing. Can you believe we get our eggs THIS early? Who can think life hasn't started, when preparation for a future life already has?
And, that which people will later use to identify us (fingerprints) have already been formed?

God knew AS I was just 13 weeks inside my mommy, that two of those two million eggs would bless us with Reece and this little shrimp. Man, I'm thankful for those eggs.

This week, I made two trips to the acupuncturist for headaches. I waited entirely too long for relief. I really need to learn to take better care of myself rather than soldiering through things.

It helped. The day after my first appointment was my best day in weeks, maybe months. The days since my second have been even better. I still have some nausea, tiredness, and sinuses, but the headaches are no longer in the driver's seat and I am so thankful for the relief.

Went out for seafood with some gal friends on Friday. I actually substituted the shrimp with extra crab meat. There's room for just 1 special shrimp right now. ; )

Although you may be shrimpy, know there is whale-sized love for you in my heart.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Feel

Baby, I can feel you.
I felt you move today twice. Once leaning forward at the computer, and once after coughing in the shower.

Absolute joy...and maybe a few tears.
These are still, simple, incredible moments just for the two of us right now.
I treasure them.

I love you, baby. You will always be so loved and so special to my heart.
I can't wait to tell you of your story.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

LIMErick

Baby, at 12 weeks, I still feel quite sick
For just a wee lime, that’s quite a trick

Gagging on my own spit
Headaches that never quit

Yet e’er grateful for your lil’ heart tick

"The most dramatic development this week: Reflexes.
Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, toes will curl, eye muscles will clench, and its mouth will make sucking movements.
In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. Its intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into its abdominal cavity about now, and its kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over two inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce."

Lord, thank you for limericks and thank you for rhymes.
But thank you, even more so, for little limes.

not yet

After Sesame Street, a cute gal comes on, asks questions, and does a quick lesson. Today she asked, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
Reece said, "not yet!"
Amen, Reece. I think the word 'yet' has just become one of my favorites. It's expecting and hopeful...just like me.
; )
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Brewing

Darren always said that I 'brewed up a good one' with Reece.
I'm brewing yet again.

Yesterday, I called the doctor knowing my sinus had gone infection, despite a great deal of patience, hope, and some perseverance.
So, the antibiotics began last night. The past two days I have been the most nauseous in weeks...not sure what's up. It has been pretty rough, especially afternoons and evenings. D continues to be right there to help.

I'm ready to start feeling better and hopefully I will soon.
But I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I'm still grateful to be in this place every day.

With all the yucks I feel, something awesome must be going on in there. I'd like to think I am brewing up a good one.

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

11

11 weeks today. Now we're officially on track with my due date.

My pants are starting to be snug, snug. Many days I loosen my belt or even button on my pants, trying desperately to hide it with my shirt. Yesterday, I went through the clothes friends so generously lent. I found a few stretch tummy pants I can wear right now. Dude, I can't tell you how excited I am for some stretch pants. I know. 40 and talking about the comfort of stretch pants...thank goodness I'm pregnant, right? ; )

Reece now consistently says he thinks the baby will be a baby girl.
I have no clue, but I love hearing him say what he thinks. Makes me smile. He doesn't have any name suggestions, and that's probably a good thing. ; )

I have no name ideas yet either. They'll be time for that.
In the mean time, today is 11 weeks.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

full FIGured

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Its hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under the gums, and some of its bones are beginning to harden.

It's already busy kicking and stretching, and its tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as its body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccuping that may be happening now that its diaphragm is forming.

Already kicking and stretching, this week I like to call it my little action FIGure. Wouldn't Reece love that!

Doesn't the idea of kicking and stretching in effortless water ballet-like movements sound incredibly peaceful. It must be really nice in there right now.

Out here, it's getting a little better. The sinus and congestion has really taken a toll on me most days. I haven't had much of an appetite, especially for meat, but eating small meals really helps how I feel, which I know means it helps me physically too. The congestion moved down into my throat late this week. I'm not sure if that's good technically, but it sure feels better, especially on my raw, Rudolph-like nose. The Claritin has worked great a few times and Tylenol a few times as well for the sinus pain. I'm so thankful for that.

I've taken fewer naps lately and had a pretty productive week this week considering. I got dinner on the table most nights, too. D has continued to help a ton without complaint. Thank you! The other night I went to bed at 8:30 and then woke up at 11:30 to go clean the rest of the kitchen. : )

When I'm sitting down, I often lay my hand on my belly. Sometimes, I look down, see my hand, and then remember what is really down there. It's the sweetest feeling, and results in the sweetest little smile.

All in all, I don't think I'm complaining much. I think I'm just getting through this very temporary tired, congested, and nauseous time as best I can. I'm managing my expectations every day and trying not to take on too much. I do get crabby when I'm spent, and that's a time to be cautious of. I need to ask D to step in before I get cranky with my little guy.

I don't mean to paint a picture that I walk around all day smiling. But, I do have some major perspective. Anytime I feel bad or get tired, I remember that it's all for such an amazing, beautiful thing.

I WILL NOT take it for granted. I am absolutely grateful. Grateful to be nauseous, grateful to be congested, grateful to be tired. Grateful, grateful, grateful to be pregnant.

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

Another dream came true

God's goodness never ceases to amaze me, encourage me, and fill me with thankfulness. I am blown away by the number of people that have shared their stories with me lately. These are stories of similar struggles and of similar miracles, and others have been people just encouraged by this/His little bean sprout.

I got this email a few weeks ago. It's beautifully honest and so real. I wanted to share not only this similar journey, but how God made another dream come true.~~~~~~~~~Hey Sundee:)
I've been a frequent reader of your blog for a very long time, so of course, I've been following along as you wrote about your dreams for another baby. I've been meaning to write you about that for a long time, but I just never did it, and then this morning I found out that you're pregnant!

I cried when I read your post on Reece's birthday when you said, "You've now been here as long as we tried to have you here." I thought, "That's what I'll be thinking on my little one's second birthday."

We were without birth control for 2 years before I got pregnant. Even though our journeys have been different, I was always encouraged to read your blog before I was pregnant and know that you had gone through so much to have Reece.

The only thing I've ever wanted to do is be a mom, and when it didn't happen, I was devastated. I knew that we wouldn't be able to afford infertility treatments or adoption, so it seemed like the realization of my dream was a long way off, if it would ever happen.

In August of 2007, I had to finally just grieve the loss of my dream. I had to grieve it as though I had gone to a doctor and been told "We're sorry. You will never conceive" even though that hadn't happened. The way I describe it is that I had to grieve it in order to keep my joy -- I couldn't fake it anymore. I couldn't pretend like it didn't hurt every time someone else got pregnant, especially the "We weren't even trying! What are we going to do now?!" pregnancies :) I couldn't pretend that I wasn't keeping track of how long we'd been off birth control and try to convince myself it was still a reasonable amount of time. I had to just grieve it and say, "Okay, this dream of mine may not ever happen."

And then one day, when my period was late, and it had been 38 days since my last one, I finally thought "Okay, that's really late, and I'm going to take a test, even though I'm so sick of seeing only a test line" and lo and behold, there was that wonderful second line.

It really makes me relive all those moments to read your blogs, because the timing is so similar.

Anyway, I've been meaning to write for a long time just to say "I know our journeys are vastly different, but I do understand to a small extent what it is to think your dream will never come true" and now I'm so glad to be able to rejoice with you in realized dreams! :)
~~~~~~~~~And then in a follow up email a few days later:
I was thinking about you last night, as I did some scrapbooking -- I was scrapbooking our very first moments with our little girl, and I found a little card in my supplies that I bought years ago that says "Dreams can become reality" that I put on the first page of her book -- so glad our dreams have become reality.

Me too, sweet friend. Thank you for sharing your journey and your heart with me, and allowing me to share it with others.
And thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

Kumquat may

"Although it's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby now has completed the most critical portion of it's development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in it's body rapidly grow and mature. Tiny nails are forming on fingers and toes and peach-fuzz hair is beginning to grow on tender skin."

Such big smiles those words bring to my face, and a song to my heart...

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

175

The three of us went to my doctor appointment today.
Reece seemed equally excited about seeing the baby as he was in getting a lollipop.

Things are different this pregnancy, that's for sure. Last time, I had appointments AND sonograms at 5 weeks, 6 weeks, 9 weeks, and 12 weeks.

So naturally, I thought we'd have one this time. When Dr H came in, he said we'd just listen today unless we couldn't hear it and then we'd sono. I really didn't find myself disappointed, only that I had prepped Reece for seeing the baby. He kept saying he wanted to see it, but he was fine.

Wop, wop, wop, wop came the sound on the doppler. It was clear and strong...strong at 175 bpm. I think that's pretty fast. At Reece's 13 week appointment, his heart beat at 166 bpm, and we thought that was on the faster side. I remember the wives tales saying fast heartbeats indicate girls. Oh how people like to guess. Feel free to.

Dr H was great today, and genuinely seems so thrilled for us. He said that everything looks so great and he feels like this baby is just meant to be here. I hope so. I pray so.

In the mean time, thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

My little helper

In preparation for the doctor's appointment tomorrow, Reece and I were talking about the baby tonight.

Using our fingers to demonstrate, we talked about how it was pea-sized, then like a grape, and now even bigger than that. I showed him how big it would get before it would be ready to come out.

Then, he asked where it will it come out, and I told him.
Next he said, "Will we need a ladder?" I giggled and told him no.
He continued his thought, "When it's time, I can help get the baby out for you. I'm very strong."

Thanks, sweetie, for your offer. I think the doctors will have it covered. But know that you're pretty darn cute and a great little helper.

My orange shirt

I only bought one or two nice pregnancy clothes when pregnant with Reece. You all know I prefer hand-me-downs and not spending much money, especially for clothes for such a short period of time.

But if you'd been around me when I was pregnant with Reece, you'd remember my orange shirt. I'm so lame and so cheap (in some areas) that I wore this beloved orange shirt to 4 of the 5 showers that were held for us. THE SAME SHIRT.

It was cotton and stretchy, and soooooo comfy. I know at least one other pregnant friend got to enjoy it after me. : )

Today, I wore my orange shirt. It was like having coffee with an old friend. With fashions these days and my still small belly, it probably didn't look much like a pregnancy top. But, it was one, and it was comfy.

I am so thankful that I get to wear it again. Not really because it's so comfortable, but because of what it means. It means I'm pregnant again...and I'm reliving this dream once more.
Lord, I am so thankful of your blessing.
Thank you for another day.

10

10 weeks and counting.
So thankful.

Not much time for blogging these days.
Tired for one. Bedtime is earlier than it used to be, and I've taken a handful of naps while Reece has. So thankful I can do that.

I'm beat in the evenings. Dinner: the prepping, cooking, and clean-up routine often does me in. Darren has stepped in often, including letting me sleep in on the weekends. He's been patient. I'm thankful.

Headaches have been less and nausea has been too. Still there, but not as strong. Again, I'm thankful.

People have overwhelmed me with their joy for us and what God is doing. Less blogging, but no less thankful.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Grape

I think I'm a week ahead, but we'll know better next Friday after the sono.
So, if I go by the current due date, I read yesterday that my little bean sprout is about the size of grape.

Had fully intended on giving you a photo of one for a visual, but I'm feeling so yuck that taking photos of grapes are falling down low on my priority list.

Praise God for that little grape and for all the yuck that goes with it right now.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

An apple a day

Haven't really had any cravings just yet. May be a bit early for that.
Mostly nothing sounds good, rather than me craving something in particular.

But, a staple in my diet is apples. Honey Crisp rock the house and this little belly too. I have at least one every day.

And who knows, the old wives tale may just be true.
: )

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Hand-me-downs

I'm a fan of recycling, including hand-me-down toys and clothes.
Today, I got a pile of hand-me-down pregger clothes, and boy is it fun.

A few are mine I am getting back, and that's no less exciting.
I've been the one passing mine along, and then having the awkward conversation when my friends politely offer them back to me.

But today, I got some! And it's a whole new season, as it'll be summer (instead of winter) when I'm big. So, bring on the hand-me-downs!
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

9 weeks

9 weeks and I couldn't be more excited.

At the same time, I can't help but think of people struggling and in desperate desire for a blessing of their own. Some yearn for a child, some yearn for healing, some yearn for comfort from a loss, and some just yearn for rest. I am praying for you, even those I don't know.

For what I do know is that I'm no one special. I'm no more special, Godly, righteous, or worthy of a blessing than anyone else. I am no more worthy.

God, thank you for this blessing. I do not know why I get to receive it, but know that I hold onto it tightly, preciously, and with great, great thankfulness.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Sweet surprise

Saw a movie with Mom last night. It reminded me of something I'd been thankful for and wanted to capture.

With Reece, I took a test exactly 2 weeks after the IUI. For some, that may sound like a long time. But for someone that had been doing this roller coaster ride a while, it became more wisdom and self-protection to wait until it would be a trustworthy result. We had tested so, so many times before, and we had done this exact procedure 3 times before.

This time, I didn't even realize there was a possibility until that morning in the shower. It was almost like a movie. I wasn't recording info anymore. Covered only in a towel and dripping, I ran into the other room to get my purse. Checked the calendar which confirmed that there was a chance. I trotted back to the bathroom and scrambled around in the cabinets, finding 1 lone test. Part of me felt a little silly even trying, as the doctors had told me IVF was the only way. But, nevertheless, I tested. I watched that thing and the faintest of pink lines showed. I kept looking...am I sure it's there or just imagining it?

I am so thankful for the unexpected joy that day. Not just for the blessing of the child, but even for the blessing of just being surprised. Finding out I'm pregnant unexpectedly, unplanned, unmedicated, and not premeditated. It was how so many normal, fertile women find out they are pregnant.

I can't tell you exactly why that makes me so emotional and grateful, but know that I am. Perhaps when you think for so long that something is wrong with you as a woman and weren't designed to be a mother, you start to believe it. But, tee hee, now I know how it feels for it to just happen. It's absolutely sweet, sweet.

I am so grateful to have experienced the sweet surprise of becoming pregnant. Lord, thank you, thank you, for another day.

8 weeks

8 weeks, eeeee!
I may have to recalculate the weeks based on my due date. But my headaches are too strong for that kind of math today.
Most importantly, thank you, Lord, for another day.

Very Merry

There was a time I wondered why and how God had put me in this small group of women in bible study. After all, there were 5 pregnant women. I didn't allow myself to ponder it long, or wallow in the odds and irony of that.

Little did we know there were going to be 6.
tee hee!

Thank you, Lord, for another day.
And thank you especially for the life you have given us in your son.
Merry Christmas.

Beating heart

Today, today was the first sonogram. I've been soooo excited to see that little sprout and hear the little bitty heartbeat.

Darren and I were there together with Tootie and Reece in the waiting area. We had planned to bring Reece in, once we got the confirmation that all was ok.

Well, Dr. H didn't give us just an okay, but in fact a 'perfect'. He said, 'everything just looks perfect'. He also said what a testament and great reminder that God is in control. 'Awesome' and 'crazy great' were other terms we used today.Although we didn't try to record or listen to the heartbeat today, my favorite part was seeing it. The little bean sprout may look like a blob right now, but there was no mistaking the little bitty beating heart we saw. As it beat fast and fluttery, my beating heart paused with delight. Darren squeezed my hand. Just one more confirmation of what God can do.Dr. H reminded me what I could and couldn't eat and drink and do. And then he said with confidence that he thinks this baby is staying in there. He just has a good really feeling. Me too, Dr. H.

I totally forgot to ask about the due date (crazy, I know), but later saw that 8/14/09 is on the sono. It's really close to Truett's birthday, and brings back memories about a very special day and another miracle.

I think it was a blessing we were in there when we were today. Another patient had some kind of 'anomaly', of which I don't know the details, but know it was heartbreaking news. Dr. H and the staff weren't quite their normal selves, Dr. H especially. Plus, he was running 45 minutes behind from some late comers.

I think that little bean sprout brought a little joy back into the day, and encouraged their hearts once again. Although, Dr. H didn't have time to show Reece the baby, Darren and I both understood that's how it was supposed to be today.

Lord, my heart does break for that family today, as my tears turn from joy to sadness. Please be strength where they cannot be. I pray that they draw closer to you through this, Lord. Thank you for allowing this little bean sprout to be a source of encouragement today. And, thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

showing

A close friend told me last night that I looked pregnant. In the moment, I wasn't sure I liked that. After all, it's only 7 weeks and I know I didn't show for a while with Reece.

My body is CERTAINLY not the same as it was before Reece, but I still thought she was just seeing my delightful muffin top with a bulky belt on underneath.

But, I just got out of the shower, looked in the mirror, and realized she is right in so many ways. It seems unbelievable that my body has already started making adjustments in preparation for this baby to grow and grow. But, the truth spoke right in that mirror, front and side views. I am wider. From my upper waist to my upper legs has already expanded a little. And, my pooch now begins from under my chest downward.

So, at least in the ways that I can tell (and obviously a few others), I'm showing. The winter tops I wore last winter now seem oddly short. Pants are tight and tops are too. My fitted top look isn't going to serve me well right now. I'll come up with something.

Just as every pregnant day is a celebration, I'm going to work to embrace my new look.

I'm showing! I'm showing! (tee hee)
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

7 weeks

7 weeks today. WHOOOOO HOOOOOO!

I realized that the headaches are largely due to sinuses. The extra mucus that my body is generating is a culprit. When I bend over or lean down, my teeth hurt immediately and any pain that wasn't already in my head rushes there to join the others. Tried a sinucleanse this morning. Not sure it helped much, but I will keep trying.

I can often feel my heart beat in my stomach. That's always been the case. It's cool b/c sometimes you can see it when I lie down. The other day while on my side, I thought I may have felt another, faster beat. It's probably extraordinarily unlikely, but really got me excited about Tuesday's appointment.

Thankful for today, looking forward to Reece's 3rd birthday, and an appointment to hear the heartbeat of this miracle little bean sprout.

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

sticking around

What a beautiful day it is today. It's wreaking havoc on my sinuses, but was so nice to spend some time at the park today and outdoors.

I can see that headaches and nausea are going to stick around a while as my body goes through some crazy stuff preparing to grow this little bitty life inside.

At some point, I may break down and take something. I've tried to hold off.
I feel so worthless. I can get going in the morning, but by Reece's naptime, I'm doing good just to be vertical. A gal that used to let her son watch 1 or 2 episodes of Sesame Street a week, now allows a daily dose. Laundry, dinner preparation, and general housekeeping isn't quite getting done. I still can't help feeling losery. Truth is that I just don't feel good. Seriously, not good most of the time right now.

But, I'm trying to ignore the losery voices. What my body is doing right now is so awesome and so important. I'm so excited for that still!

I've done pretty well in giving myself grace so far. It's such a busy time with Reece's birthday and Christmas. And, someone is about to turn 40. 40 and preggers...I LOVE IT!

Darren has been so great and not made me feel inept at all. He's been willing to eat leftover meat loaf a million times and pick up dinner other times. He took over the other night when I crashed before 9. I'm so thankful for him. And I know his patience is also silent joy for this little miracle God gave.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Headaches

I've had a few headaches. Painful ones where I feel like I'm squinting my eyes all day. Migraines quite possibly. Yesterday was my second most nauseous day. Today, may be a third.

Headaches and nausea. Praise God.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Before 9

Yesterday, I did too much. I didn't plan it too full, it just ended up that way. My capacity is less right now, as I'm pretty tired as it is from just a regular day. I was so wiped out yesterday that I went to bed before 9, and I think before my guy even went to sleep.

I had done too much carrying, lifting, holding, and going, and my body was weary. I could feel it. It was the first day I felt scared. I prayed and prayed for God to protect this little baby and miracle.

Thank you and praise you, Lord, for another day.

Reminiscing

Last night, I reminisced. I pulled up my blog to see when I had my first sono with Reece. I realized I had two by now. One to confirm the sac at 5 weeks, and the second, the very next week to see the heartbeat.

My first sono is Tuesday next week, the 23rd, at 7 weeks, which also is day after Reece's 3rd birthday. I'm looking forward to seeing that little sprout and hearing the thump, thump sound.

Reece sat in my lap yesterday afternoon as we went through the pictures of the sonograms, my pregnant belly, at the hospital delivering, and then back home with that tiny little baby. He was pretty fascinated and inquisitive. It may have been a little mind blowing, but you know, it still is to me too. I look at that long body now, and can't believe he's grown so much already.

It was a sweet time then, yesterday, and again today. I look forward to next week, and eventually telling him the news. Know that I can't wait to tell him, but will try to be patient until my hub is ready.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

6 weeks

6 weeks.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Holding Back

After sharing the news with my nurse and also pregnant friend (see below) today, I told her something silly I do.

Although every day there is a little extra spring in my step, I've been holding back something. When I start laughing hard or have to cough, I try to hold back a little.

Somehow I think I could cough or laugh this baby right out.
She giggled slightly, and assured me that was not the case.

So, bring on the one-liners and side splitters. And, I look forward to the day my belly jiggles like a bowl full of jelly when someone tells a good one.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Something in the water

Man, I'm thirsty all the time. Water, there's something in it that my body yearns for right now. I even wake up in the night dry-mouthed and desperate for a sip.

Woke up twice last night for some and now I'm up before 6am. VERY, VERY odd for those that know me.
But, here I am and so thankful.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Crazy good God

Back in October, a good friend (one of my few with only one babe) told me of her news. She'd been trying for quite a while and really battled the roller coaster ride, as many others around her were pregnant with 2nds and 3rds.

Although different ones, she had some antibody issues like me.
She was on all kinds of meds to keep those antibodies at bay.
A nurse, the idea of medicine was pretty comfortable to her, and at least it was something she could be actively doing to improve her odds, she thought.

Month after month wore on her, though, and I think it became hard to spend time with so many pregnant ladies in our circles. I hadn't seen her as much lately as I had in previous months.

But that day, she shared the awesome news that she was pregnant.
After I hugged and squeezed her, I had to ask some questions...had to know her story. Had she done IVF, IUI?

Nope. She had been sick the month or two previously and gotten off the plethora of medications. She said she didn't even think the timing was right between not feeling well and her hubby traveling.

Crazy. Crazy good. Crazy good God.
I immediately got goosebumps.
God blessed her with a baby. Period.
A joy and peace came over me as I kept telling her how much I love what God did. (And those aren't words I usually use to describe my emotions.) In that month, she surely was thinking that she lost another month or two because of being sick. But God reminded her otherwise - He can overcome sickness, medicine, diagnoses, and statistics.

I never felt jealous or bitter about her being pregnant. And I say that not to be nice or with any pride, but actually because I was surprised that I wasn't at least a little. I just felt excited for her and what God had done.

And, I felt encouraged.
I didn't know why I felt that way. But, now I do.

It's kind of like the same way that bus sign and then the second bean sprout gave me hope.

Lord, thank you for your Holy Spirit. When I stay close to you and keep my guarded, over-thinking brain at bay, you open my eyes to what is likely just a tiny squint of what you have in store.
Lord, and thank you, thank you, for one more day.

The door opened

I re-read this post today...a reminder from February.

Tripling

Got the HCG numbers back this morning.
From 176 on Thursday to 1550 on Monday.
Fantastic. Thank you, Lord for another day.

Naw-shuhs

This morning I didn't think I felt so great, but maybe I was just tired from the trip.

Nope. NAUSEOUS! I feel like I could majorly but haven't.
I have to say, I'm a little giddy over being pukey.
Never has feeling pukey been so exciting.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

A doctor who believes

Drove straight from Houston to the doctor's office to get blood drawn. Dr wanted to confirm HCG levels are tripling.

I took Reece to the bathroom and ran into Dr. H.
I looked at him and squealed (softly) with my hands cheering in the air.
The conversation went something like this:

Dr H.: "Congratulations!"
Me: "I know, can you believe it?"
Dr H.: "I believe it, because I believe." (as he pointed upward)

I was overcome by the truth of his words, and so thankful that a doctor of medicine could know so clearly and quickly what I already knew.

Dr H.: "It is miraculous."

Indeed.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Something to smile about

Reece and I went to the twin's 2nd birthday party today.
Two trips to Houston in a week.
I was so glad we did, and that we spent the night.

After the twins went to bed and everyone left, I told my cousin the news tonight. He squeezed me soooo tight and began crying immediately. He kept saying how good that was and how excited he was for us.

Then he said,

"Leslie really wanted you two to get pregnant again.
She talked about it often.
I haven't smiled like this in a while.
Thank you for giving me something to be happy about."

Thank you, Lord, for giving him a beautiful reminder of your love and grace in all of this.
And, thank you for another day.

Answers

People want answers. They like answers.
A few people told me, 'See, you just needed to relax'.
It's not about relaxing or not trying to get pregnant.

It is God.
When the world says you can't, He reminds us that the world is right.
We can't, but He can.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.
Let your great name be known to all the earth.

Day 2

Last night, I prayed thankfulness for another day of being pregnant and prayed for yet another day.
This morning, I thanked God for this, another day.

Every night and morning this will be my prayer.
Thank you, Lord.

A simple vitamin

As I get ready for bed, I look in the mirror and see that the smile still hasn't left my face. I reach for my toothbrush and realize there is something else I need to do first. Take my prenatal vitamin.

Never has taking a simple vitamin been so much fun.
A joyful day.
Thank you, Lord.

Details

This morning in the shower, a renewed song in my heart, I had a thought. I got out, scrambled around to find 1 test. Just 1, that's all I had.

Took it and watched it, as I had so many, many times before (but had been a while). The first line came in solid, and as always, I wondered just for a second if that was the control line. Yes, Sundee, it ALWAYS is.

Then, slowly, a faint, faint, light pink line was forming. Was I really seeing something, or were my eyes just deceiving me? Wait, I never before thought I saw something when I didn't...I just wondered if I needed to wait longer.

I SAW SOMETHING. I wept. I was in shock. I was a little afraid to be excited. I prayed. I called Darren. I stumbled and stuttered in trying to tell him what I saw. He was stunned and excited, and I think a little cautious too.

Called the doctor and got in at 10. If there is a baby in there, I better get a scrip for Prometrium and keep that lining thick. I've always had trouble with my progesterone levels.

Reece and I went in at 10. I happily got stuck, and Reece got band aids and a dum dum (lollipop). Then, the wait. The nurse said it would be this afternoon, but the phlebotomist said less than an hour.

A friend came over for lunch and the kids played. It helped pass the time. I wanted to jump up and down and scream, but I still found myself cautious and waiting for the blood test.

At 2:45 while Reece had been napping for a bit, I called the nurse and left a message. I told her that I waited as long I could and hope I wasn't bothering her. I also told her not to worry because I'd be ok either way (only the Lord gave me that kind of perspective).

She called back about 30 minutes later, and I clung to every word. I analyzed whether peppy or solemn - couldn't tell. She said "Well, actually, it is positive." I said, "REALLY!" and burst into tears. I could not believe it and yet, I did. I knew that God can perform miracles, but thought that was only in biblical or perhaps someone dying. I didn't think they were for ordinary people like me.

Miracle, that's not a word I use. It sounds mysterious and a little foreign. But that IS the word I used for this. Amongst what many would say was infertile ground, where only needles, medicines, and doctors could help, God intervened.

I cry as I write that again. I'm humbled and overwhelmed and incredibly thankful.
I am not deserving. Yet today I am pregnant.

No matter what happens. No matter what...I will always know that today is a gift. A MIRACLE.

The nurse told me something else. That although on my own, my progesterone levels were always borderline at best, today they were fantastic. 10 is low to acceptable, 20 is where they'd like it to be, and 32.1 is where mine is.
No medicine needed. Just God.

The evening before

Returned from Houston last night after a sweet but heart aching service for my cousin's wife. She was a vivacious woman, someone who squeezed every moment out of life, and with a song in her heart. I wept so much on the way home, for my cousin, for the twins, and for the reminder that the life on earth can be so short. Above It All and The Spirit Lives On from Building 429 echoed in the back as I prayed.

I also felt thankful. Yes, death had taken her, but God has taken her from death. And even though this beautiful family was separated now, in God's view of time, I know it's just a blink until they are together again.

I liked the way she grabbed life and found joy in every part of it, even the busy parts.

That night, I vowed to not to let the small details of life get in the way of joy as they do on some days. I vowed to take better care of myself.

I could picture an even more joyful, fun-loving me, and felt a little excited for tomorrow's new attitude.

They really do

From back in April... (click here to read the full post)And today...Admidst what doctors called unfertile ground, God created life.
Hallelujah. Miracles really do happen.

And no matter what happens and how long I carry this little bean sprout, I will never forget this day. Today, I am pregnant.
It is a miracle straight from God.

Thank you, Lord, for this little bean sprout growing inside of me.
I am overwhelmed with gratefulness...and amazed at your blessing.