8 weeks

8 weeks, eeeee!
I may have to recalculate the weeks based on my due date. But my headaches are too strong for that kind of math today.
Most importantly, thank you, Lord, for another day.

Very Merry

There was a time I wondered why and how God had put me in this small group of women in bible study. After all, there were 5 pregnant women. I didn't allow myself to ponder it long, or wallow in the odds and irony of that.

Little did we know there were going to be 6.
tee hee!

Thank you, Lord, for another day.
And thank you especially for the life you have given us in your son.
Merry Christmas.

Beating heart

Today, today was the first sonogram. I've been soooo excited to see that little sprout and hear the little bitty heartbeat.

Darren and I were there together with Tootie and Reece in the waiting area. We had planned to bring Reece in, once we got the confirmation that all was ok.

Well, Dr. H didn't give us just an okay, but in fact a 'perfect'. He said, 'everything just looks perfect'. He also said what a testament and great reminder that God is in control. 'Awesome' and 'crazy great' were other terms we used today.Although we didn't try to record or listen to the heartbeat today, my favorite part was seeing it. The little bean sprout may look like a blob right now, but there was no mistaking the little bitty beating heart we saw. As it beat fast and fluttery, my beating heart paused with delight. Darren squeezed my hand. Just one more confirmation of what God can do.Dr. H reminded me what I could and couldn't eat and drink and do. And then he said with confidence that he thinks this baby is staying in there. He just has a good really feeling. Me too, Dr. H.

I totally forgot to ask about the due date (crazy, I know), but later saw that 8/14/09 is on the sono. It's really close to Truett's birthday, and brings back memories about a very special day and another miracle.

I think it was a blessing we were in there when we were today. Another patient had some kind of 'anomaly', of which I don't know the details, but know it was heartbreaking news. Dr. H and the staff weren't quite their normal selves, Dr. H especially. Plus, he was running 45 minutes behind from some late comers.

I think that little bean sprout brought a little joy back into the day, and encouraged their hearts once again. Although, Dr. H didn't have time to show Reece the baby, Darren and I both understood that's how it was supposed to be today.

Lord, my heart does break for that family today, as my tears turn from joy to sadness. Please be strength where they cannot be. I pray that they draw closer to you through this, Lord. Thank you for allowing this little bean sprout to be a source of encouragement today. And, thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

showing

A close friend told me last night that I looked pregnant. In the moment, I wasn't sure I liked that. After all, it's only 7 weeks and I know I didn't show for a while with Reece.

My body is CERTAINLY not the same as it was before Reece, but I still thought she was just seeing my delightful muffin top with a bulky belt on underneath.

But, I just got out of the shower, looked in the mirror, and realized she is right in so many ways. It seems unbelievable that my body has already started making adjustments in preparation for this baby to grow and grow. But, the truth spoke right in that mirror, front and side views. I am wider. From my upper waist to my upper legs has already expanded a little. And, my pooch now begins from under my chest downward.

So, at least in the ways that I can tell (and obviously a few others), I'm showing. The winter tops I wore last winter now seem oddly short. Pants are tight and tops are too. My fitted top look isn't going to serve me well right now. I'll come up with something.

Just as every pregnant day is a celebration, I'm going to work to embrace my new look.

I'm showing! I'm showing! (tee hee)
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

7 weeks

7 weeks today. WHOOOOO HOOOOOO!

I realized that the headaches are largely due to sinuses. The extra mucus that my body is generating is a culprit. When I bend over or lean down, my teeth hurt immediately and any pain that wasn't already in my head rushes there to join the others. Tried a sinucleanse this morning. Not sure it helped much, but I will keep trying.

I can often feel my heart beat in my stomach. That's always been the case. It's cool b/c sometimes you can see it when I lie down. The other day while on my side, I thought I may have felt another, faster beat. It's probably extraordinarily unlikely, but really got me excited about Tuesday's appointment.

Thankful for today, looking forward to Reece's 3rd birthday, and an appointment to hear the heartbeat of this miracle little bean sprout.

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

sticking around

What a beautiful day it is today. It's wreaking havoc on my sinuses, but was so nice to spend some time at the park today and outdoors.

I can see that headaches and nausea are going to stick around a while as my body goes through some crazy stuff preparing to grow this little bitty life inside.

At some point, I may break down and take something. I've tried to hold off.
I feel so worthless. I can get going in the morning, but by Reece's naptime, I'm doing good just to be vertical. A gal that used to let her son watch 1 or 2 episodes of Sesame Street a week, now allows a daily dose. Laundry, dinner preparation, and general housekeeping isn't quite getting done. I still can't help feeling losery. Truth is that I just don't feel good. Seriously, not good most of the time right now.

But, I'm trying to ignore the losery voices. What my body is doing right now is so awesome and so important. I'm so excited for that still!

I've done pretty well in giving myself grace so far. It's such a busy time with Reece's birthday and Christmas. And, someone is about to turn 40. 40 and preggers...I LOVE IT!

Darren has been so great and not made me feel inept at all. He's been willing to eat leftover meat loaf a million times and pick up dinner other times. He took over the other night when I crashed before 9. I'm so thankful for him. And I know his patience is also silent joy for this little miracle God gave.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Headaches

I've had a few headaches. Painful ones where I feel like I'm squinting my eyes all day. Migraines quite possibly. Yesterday was my second most nauseous day. Today, may be a third.

Headaches and nausea. Praise God.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Before 9

Yesterday, I did too much. I didn't plan it too full, it just ended up that way. My capacity is less right now, as I'm pretty tired as it is from just a regular day. I was so wiped out yesterday that I went to bed before 9, and I think before my guy even went to sleep.

I had done too much carrying, lifting, holding, and going, and my body was weary. I could feel it. It was the first day I felt scared. I prayed and prayed for God to protect this little baby and miracle.

Thank you and praise you, Lord, for another day.

Reminiscing

Last night, I reminisced. I pulled up my blog to see when I had my first sono with Reece. I realized I had two by now. One to confirm the sac at 5 weeks, and the second, the very next week to see the heartbeat.

My first sono is Tuesday next week, the 23rd, at 7 weeks, which also is day after Reece's 3rd birthday. I'm looking forward to seeing that little sprout and hearing the thump, thump sound.

Reece sat in my lap yesterday afternoon as we went through the pictures of the sonograms, my pregnant belly, at the hospital delivering, and then back home with that tiny little baby. He was pretty fascinated and inquisitive. It may have been a little mind blowing, but you know, it still is to me too. I look at that long body now, and can't believe he's grown so much already.

It was a sweet time then, yesterday, and again today. I look forward to next week, and eventually telling him the news. Know that I can't wait to tell him, but will try to be patient until my hub is ready.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

6 weeks

6 weeks.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Holding Back

After sharing the news with my nurse and also pregnant friend (see below) today, I told her something silly I do.

Although every day there is a little extra spring in my step, I've been holding back something. When I start laughing hard or have to cough, I try to hold back a little.

Somehow I think I could cough or laugh this baby right out.
She giggled slightly, and assured me that was not the case.

So, bring on the one-liners and side splitters. And, I look forward to the day my belly jiggles like a bowl full of jelly when someone tells a good one.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Something in the water

Man, I'm thirsty all the time. Water, there's something in it that my body yearns for right now. I even wake up in the night dry-mouthed and desperate for a sip.

Woke up twice last night for some and now I'm up before 6am. VERY, VERY odd for those that know me.
But, here I am and so thankful.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Crazy good God

Back in October, a good friend (one of my few with only one babe) told me of her news. She'd been trying for quite a while and really battled the roller coaster ride, as many others around her were pregnant with 2nds and 3rds.

Although different ones, she had some antibody issues like me.
She was on all kinds of meds to keep those antibodies at bay.
A nurse, the idea of medicine was pretty comfortable to her, and at least it was something she could be actively doing to improve her odds, she thought.

Month after month wore on her, though, and I think it became hard to spend time with so many pregnant ladies in our circles. I hadn't seen her as much lately as I had in previous months.

But that day, she shared the awesome news that she was pregnant.
After I hugged and squeezed her, I had to ask some questions...had to know her story. Had she done IVF, IUI?

Nope. She had been sick the month or two previously and gotten off the plethora of medications. She said she didn't even think the timing was right between not feeling well and her hubby traveling.

Crazy. Crazy good. Crazy good God.
I immediately got goosebumps.
God blessed her with a baby. Period.
A joy and peace came over me as I kept telling her how much I love what God did. (And those aren't words I usually use to describe my emotions.) In that month, she surely was thinking that she lost another month or two because of being sick. But God reminded her otherwise - He can overcome sickness, medicine, diagnoses, and statistics.

I never felt jealous or bitter about her being pregnant. And I say that not to be nice or with any pride, but actually because I was surprised that I wasn't at least a little. I just felt excited for her and what God had done.

And, I felt encouraged.
I didn't know why I felt that way. But, now I do.

It's kind of like the same way that bus sign and then the second bean sprout gave me hope.

Lord, thank you for your Holy Spirit. When I stay close to you and keep my guarded, over-thinking brain at bay, you open my eyes to what is likely just a tiny squint of what you have in store.
Lord, and thank you, thank you, for one more day.

The door opened

I re-read this post today...a reminder from February.

Tripling

Got the HCG numbers back this morning.
From 176 on Thursday to 1550 on Monday.
Fantastic. Thank you, Lord for another day.

Naw-shuhs

This morning I didn't think I felt so great, but maybe I was just tired from the trip.

Nope. NAUSEOUS! I feel like I could majorly but haven't.
I have to say, I'm a little giddy over being pukey.
Never has feeling pukey been so exciting.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

A doctor who believes

Drove straight from Houston to the doctor's office to get blood drawn. Dr wanted to confirm HCG levels are tripling.

I took Reece to the bathroom and ran into Dr. H.
I looked at him and squealed (softly) with my hands cheering in the air.
The conversation went something like this:

Dr H.: "Congratulations!"
Me: "I know, can you believe it?"
Dr H.: "I believe it, because I believe." (as he pointed upward)

I was overcome by the truth of his words, and so thankful that a doctor of medicine could know so clearly and quickly what I already knew.

Dr H.: "It is miraculous."

Indeed.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Something to smile about

Reece and I went to the twin's 2nd birthday party today.
Two trips to Houston in a week.
I was so glad we did, and that we spent the night.

After the twins went to bed and everyone left, I told my cousin the news tonight. He squeezed me soooo tight and began crying immediately. He kept saying how good that was and how excited he was for us.

Then he said,

"Leslie really wanted you two to get pregnant again.
She talked about it often.
I haven't smiled like this in a while.
Thank you for giving me something to be happy about."

Thank you, Lord, for giving him a beautiful reminder of your love and grace in all of this.
And, thank you for another day.

Answers

People want answers. They like answers.
A few people told me, 'See, you just needed to relax'.
It's not about relaxing or not trying to get pregnant.

It is God.
When the world says you can't, He reminds us that the world is right.
We can't, but He can.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.
Let your great name be known to all the earth.

Day 2

Last night, I prayed thankfulness for another day of being pregnant and prayed for yet another day.
This morning, I thanked God for this, another day.

Every night and morning this will be my prayer.
Thank you, Lord.

A simple vitamin

As I get ready for bed, I look in the mirror and see that the smile still hasn't left my face. I reach for my toothbrush and realize there is something else I need to do first. Take my prenatal vitamin.

Never has taking a simple vitamin been so much fun.
A joyful day.
Thank you, Lord.

Details

This morning in the shower, a renewed song in my heart, I had a thought. I got out, scrambled around to find 1 test. Just 1, that's all I had.

Took it and watched it, as I had so many, many times before (but had been a while). The first line came in solid, and as always, I wondered just for a second if that was the control line. Yes, Sundee, it ALWAYS is.

Then, slowly, a faint, faint, light pink line was forming. Was I really seeing something, or were my eyes just deceiving me? Wait, I never before thought I saw something when I didn't...I just wondered if I needed to wait longer.

I SAW SOMETHING. I wept. I was in shock. I was a little afraid to be excited. I prayed. I called Darren. I stumbled and stuttered in trying to tell him what I saw. He was stunned and excited, and I think a little cautious too.

Called the doctor and got in at 10. If there is a baby in there, I better get a scrip for Prometrium and keep that lining thick. I've always had trouble with my progesterone levels.

Reece and I went in at 10. I happily got stuck, and Reece got band aids and a dum dum (lollipop). Then, the wait. The nurse said it would be this afternoon, but the phlebotomist said less than an hour.

A friend came over for lunch and the kids played. It helped pass the time. I wanted to jump up and down and scream, but I still found myself cautious and waiting for the blood test.

At 2:45 while Reece had been napping for a bit, I called the nurse and left a message. I told her that I waited as long I could and hope I wasn't bothering her. I also told her not to worry because I'd be ok either way (only the Lord gave me that kind of perspective).

She called back about 30 minutes later, and I clung to every word. I analyzed whether peppy or solemn - couldn't tell. She said "Well, actually, it is positive." I said, "REALLY!" and burst into tears. I could not believe it and yet, I did. I knew that God can perform miracles, but thought that was only in biblical or perhaps someone dying. I didn't think they were for ordinary people like me.

Miracle, that's not a word I use. It sounds mysterious and a little foreign. But that IS the word I used for this. Amongst what many would say was infertile ground, where only needles, medicines, and doctors could help, God intervened.

I cry as I write that again. I'm humbled and overwhelmed and incredibly thankful.
I am not deserving. Yet today I am pregnant.

No matter what happens. No matter what...I will always know that today is a gift. A MIRACLE.

The nurse told me something else. That although on my own, my progesterone levels were always borderline at best, today they were fantastic. 10 is low to acceptable, 20 is where they'd like it to be, and 32.1 is where mine is.
No medicine needed. Just God.

The evening before

Returned from Houston last night after a sweet but heart aching service for my cousin's wife. She was a vivacious woman, someone who squeezed every moment out of life, and with a song in her heart. I wept so much on the way home, for my cousin, for the twins, and for the reminder that the life on earth can be so short. Above It All and The Spirit Lives On from Building 429 echoed in the back as I prayed.

I also felt thankful. Yes, death had taken her, but God has taken her from death. And even though this beautiful family was separated now, in God's view of time, I know it's just a blink until they are together again.

I liked the way she grabbed life and found joy in every part of it, even the busy parts.

That night, I vowed to not to let the small details of life get in the way of joy as they do on some days. I vowed to take better care of myself.

I could picture an even more joyful, fun-loving me, and felt a little excited for tomorrow's new attitude.

They really do

From back in April... (click here to read the full post)And today...Admidst what doctors called unfertile ground, God created life.
Hallelujah. Miracles really do happen.

And no matter what happens and how long I carry this little bean sprout, I will never forget this day. Today, I am pregnant.
It is a miracle straight from God.

Thank you, Lord, for this little bean sprout growing inside of me.
I am overwhelmed with gratefulness...and amazed at your blessing.