Belly Button

My belly button aches. A lot.

I'm also feeling the tiredness with this little guy that I don't remember feeling with Reece. It seems that I only have a certain amount of energy every day and once it's gone, it's gone....it doesn't matter what time it is.

Mom got me a sleep shirt I'm wearing every night these days. It reads, "Mommy needs sleep." It's a good reminder to all of us. ; )

Aches, tiredness, and all, I know I am so fortunate.
I want this little guy to stay in here as long as he can to grow, grow, grow. Check with me in a couple more weeks on that one. ; )

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

like candy

33 weeks...and it really feels like it's getting close now.

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.

We've been eating a lot of pineapple lately; it's in season and sooo delicious. When Daddy eats it he always exclaims, "it's like candy!". That's what you are to us baby boy, sooo unexpected, sweet, and wonderful that you're 'like candy'.

Speaking of candy, we already have a Reece, and love him to pieces. This week, I'll call you Heath. I've always liked that name. : )

Thank you, Lord, for 33 weeks and another day.

Wonderfully made

Every once in a while I'm not sure which place to post.
Today, I think it applies so well to both.

Click here to read it.

Twins?

The guy at the donut shop today was pretty friendly. Friendly, that is, to my mother, whose birthday it is. "So you're about 50?", he asked. She loved it.

Then, he looks at me and asks when I'm due. I told him and he responded..."Wow, you're big. Are you having twins?"

It still makes me laugh. I just said, "thank you, no, and you're the first person to ask me that." I guess I didn't need that donut after all. ; )

The donut shop was a stop I promised Reece on the way to my pregnancy photoshoot this morning. It's odd to be the one on the other side of the camera. But, we had fun and I think they really got some great ones. I sooo enjoyed the time with Ang and Tracy, and hope they got some for their portfolio as well.

Of course I'll be posting some here, once they are ready.
It such a special, fun morning and one I won't forget. I'm so thankful we did it today while mom was here. And so thankful we have pictures of this belly and this precious baby boy I never expected to have.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Spa-aaaahhhhhh

Thanks to the generosity of Andrew, Becki, and Amanda, I was truly pampered today. Now Pampers I'm familiar with, but pampering, not so much. I could get used to it though!

Mom's birthday is tomorrow, so she joined me for my spa day and it was wonderful. We had some great mommy and me time, which is pretty precious these days and will even more so in the coming ones.It was quite the royal treatment with mani, pedi, lunch, facial and massage. I loved it all, and don't think I've ever had a full day of pampering before. No wonder they call it the spa-aaaahhhhhh.

I so enjoyed our time together today.
Happy Birthday, Momma!

Big baby

Today, Reece and I met Kirsten and Grayson at the pool.
My sweet doula friend said two things to me, I never thought I'd hear from her.
"You're HUGE", she said as I walked up in my bathing suit.
(I noticed earlier in the mirror how much bigger I looked. Must have had a growth spurt.)

Then, a few moments later, she said it was a "big baby". Now, I know she didn't mean that I will HAVE a big baby. She only meant that I'm growing b/c the baby is growing and he's getting bigger and bigger in there.

But, it made me laugh to hear that from a gal who gets so frustrated with doctors that use those same words. : )

Big, huge, little, or somewhere in between, thank you, Lord for this baby and for another day.

Bible Bump

32 week appointment was today.
Got to see the other Dr H.

I found myself near giddy at the doctor's office today and for a few errands around town. D was off and since a routine appointment, he opted to stay home with Reece. Somehow it was meant to be that way today.

I reminisced about the other times I met the other Dr H. One was at Chrys' birth...such a special day and memory to be a part of.
(I realized last week that THE DAY I posted about that incredible birth IS THE VERY SAME DAY I am due.)

The first time I met the other Dr H. was one of the three IUIs to make this little bean sprout. I shared both meetings with the nurse, and then got to tell the rest of the story of my pregnancy. I love sharing this story of God's grace, His timing, His love, and His ability to conquer anything. We really connected and I could tell that she loved hearing the story. I love it when people listen and believe, instead of interrupting with a 'you just had to relax' kind of comment.

Ok, back to the appt...
I gained about 3 lbs since my last appointment. My goal (I should say hope, b/c I'm not really going to try hard at this) is to not go past 150, which would be right at or just under a 30 lb gain. I gained 27 with Reece. I'm saying this mostly for recording purposes, as I don't take this stuff very seriously.

I measured right on track, and his little heartbeat was clear and strong at 140 bpm. He didn't check and I forgot to ask if his head was down. I'm pretty sure it still is, and even if it isn't, it won't matter knowing it or not at this point. ; )

The one issue I brought up is that I have a little knot right next to my left ankle. It showed up Saturday afternoon randomly. I stood on my toes in the shower this morning, and heard my ankle pop, which made it a little tender.

It's a Ganglion cyst or also known as (and I prefer to call it) a bible bump. It's not a blood clot or vascular in any way, so basically it is harmless. We'll watch and see if it gets uncomfortable.
They call it a bible bump because when people got one (more commonly on wrists), they used a big book to pound it to make it burst. Not sure if it's a sign that I need to hit the Big Book a little harder or what. ; )

The other Dr H took me down to see Dr H., which is always a treat, to note its size and in case it gets larger or I call in about it. We laughed about needing a hammer to pound it down next time and again enjoyed some time together visiting and laughing. I reintroduced myself (for the 3rd time) to his adorable new nurse ("Nye-eee-la", and she asked my name again). I think we both officially have it down. Love her smile. Looking forward to seeing her again in 2 weeks.

I got the on call schedule for the week I'm due (Aug 10th - 16th).
My Dr H is on call every evening except Wed, when the other Dr. H is on call. Either way, I know God's got this, and am excited (and frightened!) about this birth that feels nearer and nearer every day.

Had more great smiles and conversations with the folks at Starbucks, Target, and Tom Thumb afterward and really enjoyed a little alone time this morning. I felt like my mind wasn't scattered in different directions...a nice change. It is also sweeter knowing I got to come home to both of my guys. : )

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

8

8 weeks to go.
and 8 days a week, I luh-uh-uh-uh-ove you.

By now, your baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, he'll gain a third to half of his birth weight during the next 7 weeks as he fattens up for survival outside the womb. He now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). His skin is becoming soft and smooth as he plumps up in preparation for birth.

I do like me some jicama and peach fuzz!
It's crazy the % weight gain you're doing in these last several weeks.
Oh, I'm feeling it. Not as much the heat as it is just plain uncomfortable. No pants except maybe seamless unattractive stretchy ones are comfortable. Bras, miserable. I know I didn't feel this way w/ Reece, but I'll be patient so you can grow, grow, grow, sweet boy.

Mornings are by far my best time of the day, which is quite funny b/c I'm not a morning person at all. But, I've got the most energy and capacity. This morning, my guys slept in and I got up before them around 7:15 or so. Read A Mother's Heart, made Darren coffee, and enjoyed a little quiet time before Reece came in. We grabbed breakfast bars and went on a nature walk, while D woke up slowly and watched a few fishing shows. I've enjoyed some special time with Reece this week. <3

Last night, D and I were watching the College World Series. The game was a little slow, you, on the other hand, were wild. I think you started your own wave. Darren was sitting across the room and could see your acrobatics.

Another notable from this week is that my eye sight got a little worse. I've had to hold papers out much farther than normal. I'm sure it is temporary, just a little funny actually.

8, can't ignore that's Aikman's number, so this week, I'll call you Troy.

I ain't got nothin' but love, babe, 8 days a week...for 8 more weeks.
After that, I'll have love 8 sideways. : )
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

an answer

Seriously, God is so gracious. For someone that I can't meet for lunch, call on the phone, or snuggle on the couch and cry with, He somehow gives me those same comforts in moments like this morning.

Coming off my prayer last night, I headed to a Building Blocks speaker this morning. Seconds into her talk, I knew it was an answer to my prayer last night.

She started talking about what we're really passionate about. Oftentimes, I'm passionate about my to-do list or my own needs, over Reece's sweet little heart. She read an entry in her journal that is exactly the stuff I need to help set my heart right every morning. It will be by my bed as a start to the morning, and a prayer for the evening. I began crying as she read it...

Today is not about laundry. It’s not about repeating myself, preventing meltdowns or keeping the pantry stocked. And I refuse to let the demands of the day deceive me into thinking anything so trivial. Today is a vehicle for me to serve God’s purposes in a way unique from every other person on earth.

The man I love most cannot experience everything God desires for him unless I actively labor towards that end. To love is to die, and it is a privilege to die for him today.

I have three hearts taking shape before me, in the shadow of my words, my tone and my actions. Their crying isn’t an inconvenience- it is a window to strengthen them with gentleness in the midst of their weakness. Their fighting isn’t an irritation- it is one more chance for me to prepare them for a lifetime of resolving conflict Biblically. These days that seem so long will soon be years that passed so quickly, and I will not choose to live now in a way that seals future regret. To love is to die, and they are worth me dying today.

Today calls for more energy, more patience, more love, more grace, more gentleness, more resourcefulness, more perspective and more wisdom than I have. So let me remember this morning that my only hope of redeeming this day is to come to Jesus and die- that His life might accomplish through me greater things than I can even imagine. To love is to die, and He knows everything there is to know about that.

What a beautiful, selfless heart she has. I am grateful to have met her today, and grateful to be among women that yearn to be a wife and mother like this.

I'd been searching for books to help me, and bought one a week or two ago that STILL hadn't arrived. Today it arrived. And today, she recommended A Mother's Heart, a book I thought I had. When I got home, it was on the top of my stack, seemingly just patiently waiting for me to see it and pick it up. <3

Lord, thank you for being such a good listener. Thank you for such clear encouragement. We can't see you in the way that we do our friends, and sometimes that's a barrier to feeling close to You. Thank you for answering prayers, for revealing yourself so clearly, and for giving me the eyes to see you today like a friend, a father, and someone that cares for me more than anyone else.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

I pray

Dear God,

I keep thinking about what is to come.
Life is about to get hard.
Sleep will minimal. Cries will be heart-wrenching and long-lasting. Three year olds will be rebellious. Patience will be low. Momma will be completely exhausted. Houses will be messy. Dinner will be take-out. Accomplishments will be few. Days will be long and nights will be even longer. Time alone will be rare. Quiet will be non-existent.

Lord, I am afraid. I know I will struggle.
Never, never will these fears and struggles overshadow the gratefulness I will continue to have for this gift, this blessing, you have so unexpectedly lavished us with.

Instead, I just pray. I pray you ready my mind and my heart for the changes ahead, and equip me for this journey. I pray we become even closer. Draw me to your word, Lord, not the convicting verses I so often choose, but the encouraging ones.

In my weakness, Lord, I know you will be there. I pray now that I feel your presence in those moments, and that a peace and comfort reign over my thoughts and heart.

There was a time, Lord, when I believed I didn't deserve a husband, much less even one child. You have given me even more than that.

Lord, help me keep my daily expectations low, remembering the incredible job you've provided me with. I am yours, and they were yours first too. You love them even more than I do. Help me to love them with the grace, unselfishness, and lavishness like you do.

I want to wake and be right with you first, Lord. I pray that my needs become less while my need for you is more. Give me wisdom for each day how best to serve and love these 3 men, knowing that during this season serving them, serves you.

Lord, thank you again for this...this pregnancy, this baby, this boy, a brother for my son, another son for my husband, for this family. It IS a blessing that continues to overwhelm my heart.

Lord, help me to be more like you, so that I may become a woman, wife, and mother that is pleasing in your eyes. I know I will struggle during this journey. I need you there with me, guiding me, because I can't do it myself. The struggle WILL not make me any less grateful. But, it will make me more reliant on you. I know I need you, and I will need you even more. Please help equip me now, right my heart, draw me closer, and lead me in the way. I know you will.

And, I will pray.
Thank you, Lord, for another day. Amen.

2 more

31 weeks, and it is only 2 more months to the day!

This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. He weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. He can turn his head from side to side, and his arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath his skin. He's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

Ironic that carrying the weight of 4 navel oranges actually makes YOUR navel disappear?

Turning his head from side-to-side - uh, YEAH, I know it. It is the WEIRDEST feeling, especially being head down and low. And yes I do hope all that movement is because he's active and healthy and not just because I just ate a 1/2 pint of ice cream. ; )

2 months is a long time in some respects and yet it feels so soon to say just 2 months now. I'm a little scared, so excited, and incredibly grateful.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Competing

Headed to family reunion with Mom and Reece on Friday. Wore my bathing suit (totally new and very long pregger top, although it is zebra print) at the pool. Hmmm, something else has changed.

It seems my thighs have started competing with each other for front position. I'm not saying they didn't touch before, but NOT like this. With every step, one squeezes its way in front and the other falls behind. I guess this happened sometime this week. I'm going to tell myself this is some great progress for physically preparing my body for a birth. I know he's low too, because the strongest spot to feel his hiccups is at least as low as my c scar.

While I'm already sharing TMI (too much info), I'll say how much I hate wearing bras right now. I wonder if the bra burners way back when were also pregnant. It would explain a lot. My belly seems to be protruding higher and higher up on my chest and the pressure from my undergarment gets quite uncomfortable as the day goes on. My new fav top is a hand-me-down halter from Mel that doesn't require one. Wore it all day today!

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

itsy bitsy

I wore the itsy bitsy to swim class on Friday, and vowed to get you one last bikini belly shot. So please enjoy...it will likely be the last one I post.

I am still cute in my own mind, b/c hey, everyone is just looking at the belly anyway. But, it may be a little much for others to handle, say Darren for one. ; )

I bought a new and VERY LONG bathing suit top just before a trip to the KC pool on Sunday. Probably a wise choice. It's one thing to wear the bikini amongst all you moms, but quite another in a big crowd. I already get the looks anyway, but at least they'd know what they were looking at. ; )
Modesty wins out on this one.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Inside, Outside, Upside Down

30 week appointment was today.
Measuring right on track and 156 heartbeat (never get tired of hearing that sweet sound). You're still inside, I feel you outside a ton!, and best of all you're still upside down (head down). ; )

I gained 2 1/2 pounds since last month, about 19 total so far. I gained 27 lbs total with Reece, and have a feeling I'll be close but a little over with you.

I kept feeling your foot on my left side tonight, and placed my hand on top of it. Later, I rubbed your foot gently with my fingers, and immediately you gave me a MAJOR karate move. Ouch! I think you may be super ticklish, little boy. : )

I see the other Dr. H next visit and am already looking forward to those heated chairs of his. : ) And I'm also thankful that MY Dr. H is currently on call the weekend I'm due.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Joe Cool

30 weeks and less than 70 days to go!

Your baby's about 15.7 inches long now, and he weighs almost 3 pounds (like a head of cabbage). A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds him, but that volume will decrease as he gets bigger and takes up more room in your uterus. His eyesight continues to develop, though it's not very keen; even after he's born, he'll keep his eyes closed for a good part of the day. When he does open them, he'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision — which means he can only make out objects a few inches from his face.

Went swimming at the KC pool today and had such a great time, but I guess you get to swim all the time in that pint and a half of amniotic fluid. : )

I'm getting bigger, waddling a little, and a bit more clumsy.
Mom is here and gets to join us for our next dr appt tomorrow.
I just asked her what my name was going to be if I was a boy. Joseph.
So, Joseph it is this week, sweet boy...and Joe Cool when I'm feeling sassy.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

linea negra

i got the line, i got the line!
i thought i saw it forming two days ago from my belly button, but thought maybe it was just an indentation from my pants.

this morning, out of the shower, it's made it's way down. i guess i shouldn't be so excited about something that represents my abdomen muscles getting ripped open (i mean stretched further), but i am!

thank you, lord, for another day.

hip action

i'm sleeping pretty good for a pregnant gal. i don't have to get up multiple times in the night to p (it seems less graphic when i leave out the two 'ee's). i'm wondering when or if that will change. with reece, i never got up more than once, and that was late in the pregnancy.

i do wake up several times in the night however, from hip aches, needing to switch to the other side - same with reece. sometimes darren switches at the same time and then we're facing each other. his lungs are clearly larger as large puffs of air then tickle my face. i probably don't appreciate it much in those tired moments, but there is something sweet about it.

10 more weeks...wow. it's coming so soon now. many thoughts of labor and trying to picture what this new life will be like, enter my mind often. please touch my belly any time. i absolute love this belly and baby. it's a miracle, it's beautiful, and it likely will never, ever happen again. i am loving and relishing this smooth, round belly and all of the activity that occurs within.

a friend nicknamed me 'hoops' yesterday, as he said i had really exploded since i saw him last, and obviously a reference to what appears to be a basketball in there. 'hoops'...i love it.

thank you, lord, for another day.

old times great

i cannot explain what this pregnancy means to me.
today was another reminder.

after swimming lessons, we went to a friend's house for the kids to splash and play outside, and us all to eat our sack lunch and visit. it was great...really great...like when kids were tiny and couldn't go anywhere and we got to sit and visit and sometimes we'd nap our kids at each other's houses kind of great...praising god we have each other...old times, great.

in the car ride home i reflected on the afternoon together and how very different i would have felt had i not been pregnant. with most of the ladies being mom to 2 or 3 kids, the conversations naturally gravitate to life, struggles, and successes with these kiddos. but, when you just have 1 (b/c evidently that's all you can have and somehow your body is broken and just wasn't meant to have babies), you hear those same conversations sooo differently.

you feel isolated, unable to relate. you feel like if you talk about your 1 kid or share any advice or struggles, people will think you either just don't get it or have no clue how easy you have it. sometimes you even feel like these people are more worthy of being mothers than you, and like you really are less than a woman, how God created a woman to be.

i know it's selfish, unhealthy, and unhelpful, those thoughts. but, i also know those are exactly the thoughts i'd be battling to ignore daily. i would feel less close and less community than i do now...i just would. i wouldn't retreat, but would be more guarded and a little less engaged.

lord, i am so thankful you chose to give me this blessing. i am a person that needs people and community around me. you know this. i cannot do it alone, anything alone, and that is why i am thankful for you in my life. thank you for these people that feel the same way about you that i do.

i also pray this day that you be an incredible comforter for those that may be struggling with the same thoughts of worthlessness and isolation. i pray you bless them too. i pray you let them know that they are loved just as much, valued just as much, and were designed just as you would have them be. i pray they don't let thoughts like that disable them, but struggle well through them, by drawing closer to you. that's what you did with me, lord.

i know this pregnancy is a gift and these friends are a gift. what a huge, HUGE gift it is to me.
thank you, lord, for another day.

something has changed

Yesterday was Reece's first swimming lesson with Ms. Angie. He is and was sooo afraid of putting his face in the water, I knew it would be a challenge and slow progression...but it's time. I was so proud of him fighting through his fears and continuing to do as she asked even when he was afraid.

We sat in the shade outside watching the boys and then took a short dip in the pool when they were done. I did sport my itsy bitsy teeny weeny black polka dot bikini. It's not really THAT small, although it does get smaller every time I put it on. ; )
Hey, it was a safe crowd. Plus, I figure anyone is only looking at my belly anyway...I actually feel more comfortable in it now that otherwise.

After nap, I hit a wall. Tired, achy, groaning, and just lethargic. I couldn't put my finger on how I was feeling and what was dragging me down so hard. I was pretty much worthless though. I managed to put a frozen meal in the oven, but that was pretty much it.

I thought maybe the heat and the sun did me in, but I'm not so sure. Today, I'm starting to feel that same tiredness again. We stayed inside during the swim lesson today, and so I can't blame it on the sun (had to stay in as the boys struggled more at the beginning, knowing what fears they had to face).

Anyway, I have a feeling that Rusty's major brain development and all that's going on inside, plus a little of the summer heat is kicking in. The last trimester has officially hit. I will be even more diligent about taking my iron, drinking even more water, and grabbing healthy snacks regularly. Off to take my iron right now.
Also, I am vowing to set my daily expectation even lower.

Washing our sheets and making dinner were my two goals today. Sheets are clean. Dinner is planned. I need to put the sheets on, and then prep dinner.

Hmmm, should I rest for a while now, or push through and accomplish my goals? If I push through, I'll likely be absolutely wiped when Reece awakes. Not sure.

I'll start with the Journey and see where I end up.

What is clear is that something has changed.
Thank you, Lord, for 7 months, 3rd trimester, and another day. <3