not yet

After Sesame Street, a cute gal comes on, asks questions, and does a quick lesson. Today she asked, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
Reece said, "not yet!"
Amen, Reece. I think the word 'yet' has just become one of my favorites. It's expecting and hopeful...just like me.
; )
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Brewing

Darren always said that I 'brewed up a good one' with Reece.
I'm brewing yet again.

Yesterday, I called the doctor knowing my sinus had gone infection, despite a great deal of patience, hope, and some perseverance.
So, the antibiotics began last night. The past two days I have been the most nauseous in weeks...not sure what's up. It has been pretty rough, especially afternoons and evenings. D continues to be right there to help.

I'm ready to start feeling better and hopefully I will soon.
But I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I'm still grateful to be in this place every day.

With all the yucks I feel, something awesome must be going on in there. I'd like to think I am brewing up a good one.

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

11

11 weeks today. Now we're officially on track with my due date.

My pants are starting to be snug, snug. Many days I loosen my belt or even button on my pants, trying desperately to hide it with my shirt. Yesterday, I went through the clothes friends so generously lent. I found a few stretch tummy pants I can wear right now. Dude, I can't tell you how excited I am for some stretch pants. I know. 40 and talking about the comfort of stretch pants...thank goodness I'm pregnant, right? ; )

Reece now consistently says he thinks the baby will be a baby girl.
I have no clue, but I love hearing him say what he thinks. Makes me smile. He doesn't have any name suggestions, and that's probably a good thing. ; )

I have no name ideas yet either. They'll be time for that.
In the mean time, today is 11 weeks.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

full FIGured

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Its hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under the gums, and some of its bones are beginning to harden.

It's already busy kicking and stretching, and its tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as its body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccuping that may be happening now that its diaphragm is forming.

Already kicking and stretching, this week I like to call it my little action FIGure. Wouldn't Reece love that!

Doesn't the idea of kicking and stretching in effortless water ballet-like movements sound incredibly peaceful. It must be really nice in there right now.

Out here, it's getting a little better. The sinus and congestion has really taken a toll on me most days. I haven't had much of an appetite, especially for meat, but eating small meals really helps how I feel, which I know means it helps me physically too. The congestion moved down into my throat late this week. I'm not sure if that's good technically, but it sure feels better, especially on my raw, Rudolph-like nose. The Claritin has worked great a few times and Tylenol a few times as well for the sinus pain. I'm so thankful for that.

I've taken fewer naps lately and had a pretty productive week this week considering. I got dinner on the table most nights, too. D has continued to help a ton without complaint. Thank you! The other night I went to bed at 8:30 and then woke up at 11:30 to go clean the rest of the kitchen. : )

When I'm sitting down, I often lay my hand on my belly. Sometimes, I look down, see my hand, and then remember what is really down there. It's the sweetest feeling, and results in the sweetest little smile.

All in all, I don't think I'm complaining much. I think I'm just getting through this very temporary tired, congested, and nauseous time as best I can. I'm managing my expectations every day and trying not to take on too much. I do get crabby when I'm spent, and that's a time to be cautious of. I need to ask D to step in before I get cranky with my little guy.

I don't mean to paint a picture that I walk around all day smiling. But, I do have some major perspective. Anytime I feel bad or get tired, I remember that it's all for such an amazing, beautiful thing.

I WILL NOT take it for granted. I am absolutely grateful. Grateful to be nauseous, grateful to be congested, grateful to be tired. Grateful, grateful, grateful to be pregnant.

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

Another dream came true

God's goodness never ceases to amaze me, encourage me, and fill me with thankfulness. I am blown away by the number of people that have shared their stories with me lately. These are stories of similar struggles and of similar miracles, and others have been people just encouraged by this/His little bean sprout.

I got this email a few weeks ago. It's beautifully honest and so real. I wanted to share not only this similar journey, but how God made another dream come true.~~~~~~~~~Hey Sundee:)
I've been a frequent reader of your blog for a very long time, so of course, I've been following along as you wrote about your dreams for another baby. I've been meaning to write you about that for a long time, but I just never did it, and then this morning I found out that you're pregnant!

I cried when I read your post on Reece's birthday when you said, "You've now been here as long as we tried to have you here." I thought, "That's what I'll be thinking on my little one's second birthday."

We were without birth control for 2 years before I got pregnant. Even though our journeys have been different, I was always encouraged to read your blog before I was pregnant and know that you had gone through so much to have Reece.

The only thing I've ever wanted to do is be a mom, and when it didn't happen, I was devastated. I knew that we wouldn't be able to afford infertility treatments or adoption, so it seemed like the realization of my dream was a long way off, if it would ever happen.

In August of 2007, I had to finally just grieve the loss of my dream. I had to grieve it as though I had gone to a doctor and been told "We're sorry. You will never conceive" even though that hadn't happened. The way I describe it is that I had to grieve it in order to keep my joy -- I couldn't fake it anymore. I couldn't pretend like it didn't hurt every time someone else got pregnant, especially the "We weren't even trying! What are we going to do now?!" pregnancies :) I couldn't pretend that I wasn't keeping track of how long we'd been off birth control and try to convince myself it was still a reasonable amount of time. I had to just grieve it and say, "Okay, this dream of mine may not ever happen."

And then one day, when my period was late, and it had been 38 days since my last one, I finally thought "Okay, that's really late, and I'm going to take a test, even though I'm so sick of seeing only a test line" and lo and behold, there was that wonderful second line.

It really makes me relive all those moments to read your blogs, because the timing is so similar.

Anyway, I've been meaning to write for a long time just to say "I know our journeys are vastly different, but I do understand to a small extent what it is to think your dream will never come true" and now I'm so glad to be able to rejoice with you in realized dreams! :)
~~~~~~~~~And then in a follow up email a few days later:
I was thinking about you last night, as I did some scrapbooking -- I was scrapbooking our very first moments with our little girl, and I found a little card in my supplies that I bought years ago that says "Dreams can become reality" that I put on the first page of her book -- so glad our dreams have become reality.

Me too, sweet friend. Thank you for sharing your journey and your heart with me, and allowing me to share it with others.
And thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

Kumquat may

"Although it's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby now has completed the most critical portion of it's development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in it's body rapidly grow and mature. Tiny nails are forming on fingers and toes and peach-fuzz hair is beginning to grow on tender skin."

Such big smiles those words bring to my face, and a song to my heart...

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

175

The three of us went to my doctor appointment today.
Reece seemed equally excited about seeing the baby as he was in getting a lollipop.

Things are different this pregnancy, that's for sure. Last time, I had appointments AND sonograms at 5 weeks, 6 weeks, 9 weeks, and 12 weeks.

So naturally, I thought we'd have one this time. When Dr H came in, he said we'd just listen today unless we couldn't hear it and then we'd sono. I really didn't find myself disappointed, only that I had prepped Reece for seeing the baby. He kept saying he wanted to see it, but he was fine.

Wop, wop, wop, wop came the sound on the doppler. It was clear and strong...strong at 175 bpm. I think that's pretty fast. At Reece's 13 week appointment, his heart beat at 166 bpm, and we thought that was on the faster side. I remember the wives tales saying fast heartbeats indicate girls. Oh how people like to guess. Feel free to.

Dr H was great today, and genuinely seems so thrilled for us. He said that everything looks so great and he feels like this baby is just meant to be here. I hope so. I pray so.

In the mean time, thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

My little helper

In preparation for the doctor's appointment tomorrow, Reece and I were talking about the baby tonight.

Using our fingers to demonstrate, we talked about how it was pea-sized, then like a grape, and now even bigger than that. I showed him how big it would get before it would be ready to come out.

Then, he asked where it will it come out, and I told him.
Next he said, "Will we need a ladder?" I giggled and told him no.
He continued his thought, "When it's time, I can help get the baby out for you. I'm very strong."

Thanks, sweetie, for your offer. I think the doctors will have it covered. But know that you're pretty darn cute and a great little helper.

My orange shirt

I only bought one or two nice pregnancy clothes when pregnant with Reece. You all know I prefer hand-me-downs and not spending much money, especially for clothes for such a short period of time.

But if you'd been around me when I was pregnant with Reece, you'd remember my orange shirt. I'm so lame and so cheap (in some areas) that I wore this beloved orange shirt to 4 of the 5 showers that were held for us. THE SAME SHIRT.

It was cotton and stretchy, and soooooo comfy. I know at least one other pregnant friend got to enjoy it after me. : )

Today, I wore my orange shirt. It was like having coffee with an old friend. With fashions these days and my still small belly, it probably didn't look much like a pregnancy top. But, it was one, and it was comfy.

I am so thankful that I get to wear it again. Not really because it's so comfortable, but because of what it means. It means I'm pregnant again...and I'm reliving this dream once more.
Lord, I am so thankful of your blessing.
Thank you for another day.

10

10 weeks and counting.
So thankful.

Not much time for blogging these days.
Tired for one. Bedtime is earlier than it used to be, and I've taken a handful of naps while Reece has. So thankful I can do that.

I'm beat in the evenings. Dinner: the prepping, cooking, and clean-up routine often does me in. Darren has stepped in often, including letting me sleep in on the weekends. He's been patient. I'm thankful.

Headaches have been less and nausea has been too. Still there, but not as strong. Again, I'm thankful.

People have overwhelmed me with their joy for us and what God is doing. Less blogging, but no less thankful.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Grape

I think I'm a week ahead, but we'll know better next Friday after the sono.
So, if I go by the current due date, I read yesterday that my little bean sprout is about the size of grape.

Had fully intended on giving you a photo of one for a visual, but I'm feeling so yuck that taking photos of grapes are falling down low on my priority list.

Praise God for that little grape and for all the yuck that goes with it right now.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

An apple a day

Haven't really had any cravings just yet. May be a bit early for that.
Mostly nothing sounds good, rather than me craving something in particular.

But, a staple in my diet is apples. Honey Crisp rock the house and this little belly too. I have at least one every day.

And who knows, the old wives tale may just be true.
: )

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Hand-me-downs

I'm a fan of recycling, including hand-me-down toys and clothes.
Today, I got a pile of hand-me-down pregger clothes, and boy is it fun.

A few are mine I am getting back, and that's no less exciting.
I've been the one passing mine along, and then having the awkward conversation when my friends politely offer them back to me.

But today, I got some! And it's a whole new season, as it'll be summer (instead of winter) when I'm big. So, bring on the hand-me-downs!
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

9 weeks

9 weeks and I couldn't be more excited.

At the same time, I can't help but think of people struggling and in desperate desire for a blessing of their own. Some yearn for a child, some yearn for healing, some yearn for comfort from a loss, and some just yearn for rest. I am praying for you, even those I don't know.

For what I do know is that I'm no one special. I'm no more special, Godly, righteous, or worthy of a blessing than anyone else. I am no more worthy.

God, thank you for this blessing. I do not know why I get to receive it, but know that I hold onto it tightly, preciously, and with great, great thankfulness.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Sweet surprise

Saw a movie with Mom last night. It reminded me of something I'd been thankful for and wanted to capture.

With Reece, I took a test exactly 2 weeks after the IUI. For some, that may sound like a long time. But for someone that had been doing this roller coaster ride a while, it became more wisdom and self-protection to wait until it would be a trustworthy result. We had tested so, so many times before, and we had done this exact procedure 3 times before.

This time, I didn't even realize there was a possibility until that morning in the shower. It was almost like a movie. I wasn't recording info anymore. Covered only in a towel and dripping, I ran into the other room to get my purse. Checked the calendar which confirmed that there was a chance. I trotted back to the bathroom and scrambled around in the cabinets, finding 1 lone test. Part of me felt a little silly even trying, as the doctors had told me IVF was the only way. But, nevertheless, I tested. I watched that thing and the faintest of pink lines showed. I kept looking...am I sure it's there or just imagining it?

I am so thankful for the unexpected joy that day. Not just for the blessing of the child, but even for the blessing of just being surprised. Finding out I'm pregnant unexpectedly, unplanned, unmedicated, and not premeditated. It was how so many normal, fertile women find out they are pregnant.

I can't tell you exactly why that makes me so emotional and grateful, but know that I am. Perhaps when you think for so long that something is wrong with you as a woman and weren't designed to be a mother, you start to believe it. But, tee hee, now I know how it feels for it to just happen. It's absolutely sweet, sweet.

I am so grateful to have experienced the sweet surprise of becoming pregnant. Lord, thank you, thank you, for another day.