Details

This morning in the shower, a renewed song in my heart, I had a thought. I got out, scrambled around to find 1 test. Just 1, that's all I had.

Took it and watched it, as I had so many, many times before (but had been a while). The first line came in solid, and as always, I wondered just for a second if that was the control line. Yes, Sundee, it ALWAYS is.

Then, slowly, a faint, faint, light pink line was forming. Was I really seeing something, or were my eyes just deceiving me? Wait, I never before thought I saw something when I didn't...I just wondered if I needed to wait longer.

I SAW SOMETHING. I wept. I was in shock. I was a little afraid to be excited. I prayed. I called Darren. I stumbled and stuttered in trying to tell him what I saw. He was stunned and excited, and I think a little cautious too.

Called the doctor and got in at 10. If there is a baby in there, I better get a scrip for Prometrium and keep that lining thick. I've always had trouble with my progesterone levels.

Reece and I went in at 10. I happily got stuck, and Reece got band aids and a dum dum (lollipop). Then, the wait. The nurse said it would be this afternoon, but the phlebotomist said less than an hour.

A friend came over for lunch and the kids played. It helped pass the time. I wanted to jump up and down and scream, but I still found myself cautious and waiting for the blood test.

At 2:45 while Reece had been napping for a bit, I called the nurse and left a message. I told her that I waited as long I could and hope I wasn't bothering her. I also told her not to worry because I'd be ok either way (only the Lord gave me that kind of perspective).

She called back about 30 minutes later, and I clung to every word. I analyzed whether peppy or solemn - couldn't tell. She said "Well, actually, it is positive." I said, "REALLY!" and burst into tears. I could not believe it and yet, I did. I knew that God can perform miracles, but thought that was only in biblical or perhaps someone dying. I didn't think they were for ordinary people like me.

Miracle, that's not a word I use. It sounds mysterious and a little foreign. But that IS the word I used for this. Amongst what many would say was infertile ground, where only needles, medicines, and doctors could help, God intervened.

I cry as I write that again. I'm humbled and overwhelmed and incredibly thankful.
I am not deserving. Yet today I am pregnant.

No matter what happens. No matter what...I will always know that today is a gift. A MIRACLE.

The nurse told me something else. That although on my own, my progesterone levels were always borderline at best, today they were fantastic. 10 is low to acceptable, 20 is where they'd like it to be, and 32.1 is where mine is.
No medicine needed. Just God.