goals, before the story

Before I get into the labor and birth story, I wanted to remember my goals.

--- 1 --- It was my sincere desire to have a VBAC. After Reece's birth and learning so much more about doulas, hospitals, and how things could have gone, I changed doctors.

I was thinking that if I get to have another birth, another baby, I wanted the opportunity to have that baby from the place God specifically designed.I felt Reece's birth could have gone better, less medicine and more support. (For example, after my epi with Reece, it gradually stopped working. I told the nurses it was wearing off, and they smirked and told me there would be SOME pressure. After I kept insisting, they gave me some more pain meds like narcotics. Then, once I was fully BACK into excruciating labor again, they called the anesthesiologist back in. He said it had slipped in too far. He pulled it out some and then I was back in business. The narcs hadn't been necessary if the nurses would have listened.)

Soooo, I switched doctors and couldn't have been happier. I never realized you could have a doctor like that, someone that truly cared, someone that was medically superior, and yet somehow who knew that ultimately the Lord was in control.

--- 2 --- I wanted to go unmedicated. After the excruciating pain of Reece's birth, I knew I needed to mentally prepare myself, AND have the love and support of a great friend and doula there. We talked so much throughout the pregnancy about how I could handle the pain, what the pain would be like, that the pain is purposeful, and mechanisms to cope. I am sure I drove her crazy with those conversations over and over, months and months. It was all part of preparing my brain and getting my body ready. Oh and I also warned her repeatedly that I'd be an angry laborer. She reassured me that she could handle it. : )------
#1 and #2 weren't goals just because I thought it would be a cool experience. God has designed this process with incredible detail. It is beautiful and amazing...I'm soooo thankful I've gotten to witness it 4 times (I hope more!) But, it is also purposeful. The hormones our bodies produce at various points to get us through the pain, heal our bodies, and provide for the baby just blows my mind. I wanted all that good stuff for me and my baby.
...and the cool experience. : )--- 3 --- Even more important than going unmedicated (as well as having a VBAC) was my desire to manage the pain well.

I knew it was going to be horrific. I also know that I am the kind that would be projecting ahead. Meaning, if I was at 4cm and the pain was SOOOO BAD, I'd be thinking that if it is this bad at a 4, I'll never make it to a 10. And that kind of thinking can really blow it.

I feel things strongly...my body is just sensitive, Kirsten told me all along. Because of that, I knew even more that my mind and body needed be connected. I needed to STAY IN THE MOMENT. My goal was to stay relaxed through the contractions, including blowing air out of loose lips. I believed that a relaxed body and even mouth, made for a relaxed environment down there. Stay focused on being relaxed and loose - that was a HUGE deal if I was going to manage the pain well, I thought.

Speaking of pain, when Kirsten asked Darren and I to rate my pain medication preference, we answered the same -7 (see link) It reads...

"I have a very strong desire for a natural birth, for personal gratification along with benefits to my baby and my labor. I will be disappointed if I use medication."

There was one exception. I resolved to NOT be disappointed. I knew I was committed to doing everything I could. I wanted to be proud and thankful for the experience. After all that God had blessed me with, I was not going to walk away sad that I didn't do more...that wasn't what it was about for me. And I didn't need to put that pressure on myself...so I didn't. We decided I was a -6. : )Other desires we discussed as a team (including with the doctors):
- no breaking my water - wanted to let it happen
- no internal monitor - because that would restrict movement and may have to labor in bed, which was soooo uncomf w/ Reece
- no induction - likely that would impact my ability to have a VBAC
- no early hospital arrival - wanted to wait until full active labor

Ok, now on with the show...