the longest 60

While I lie on the table, Darren put on Zach's first diaper...And got some snuggle time with his son.Much more painful than the 6 minutes to see him, was the 60 until I got to hold that sweet baby boy.

Because while we were all smiles, cuddles, and giggles on our side of the curtain, there was much more seriousness on the other.During the routine c-section delivery and putting me all back together, Dr H. discovered something. Something he’d seen maybe once before in his twenty plus years of delivering babies both here and in his field mission work.

My bladder had fused with my uterus. Likely, it occurred during my body’s recovery after delivering Reece. We don’t know what problems it was causing, or what problems were to come. We just knew it wasn’t right or good and needed to be fixed.

And since no one expected it to be where it was or like it was, they cut a slit in it when they were getting my little guy out. Um, yeah, a cut bladder, not a very good or sanitary thing. A few more folks joined the clean up crew both to observe the phenomenon and to help. But, they got me repositioned, sewed up, and back together. (Feeling a little like Humpty Dumpty now.)

That was the last piece of the puzzle. There was a problem inside my body that needed to be fixed. That was why every decision during this labor and delivery, even when contrary to our plan and my hopes, seemed clear and obvious.

While I didn’t have this baby the way God designed for women to give birth, I had this baby exactly the way God planned for me to. Such a perfect reminder of God’s plan and provision for us. And, I’m so thankful that I didn’t fight harder for what I had planned for over what felt so clear.

After all, I had thanked God for each and every day for this life He put inside, not knowing what the next day would bring. I trusted Him, and I’m thankful we trusted Him here too.

So after the longest 60 minutes and an important repair job by Dr. H and his team, I got to hold my baby boy.They wheeled us down the hallway to our next spot.

Yes, the dramatic, cliff-hanging posts end here. To some, the remaining posts may be boring, but not to me. Every moment of this day was precious to me, and every part of his birth something I will store in my heart forever.

the longest 6 minutes

The team was reassembled, together, and ready to go again. No, it wasn’t the way we’d planned and hoped, but soon we’d meet our baby boy - this baby that God so graciously gave us. We all knew what a miracle he was. And I loved knowing the doctor welcoming him into the world knew it too.There was a little bit of prep going on...on my body and at the warming station.About ten minutes of prep before the first cut began at 12:21am.Darren peeked over the curtain a few times (usually at my prodding b/c I desperately wanted to see for myself), but mostly, stayed focused on me, holding my hand and gazing into my eyes with joy (and a little bit of 'oh my gosh are those your insides?') as our son was being born.Someone not coping so well with the smells of it all,
was ironically, my doula. : )Standing behind me, I couldn't see her. I didn't know she was barely standing until someone told me with a giggle under their breath. Hmm, must have been Darren. That sounds like him. I kept calling her name and asking her to put her hand on me somewhere. Since I couldn't see her, I wanted to still experience the birth of this baby right with her. She got it together enough to oblige. That's my gal.A bit of pulling...and then pushing...until about 20 minutes from wheeling me in there,
my baby boy made his entrance in this world.Mouth, left nostril, and then right nostril with the aspirator.
I adore this picture above. It is my favorite. My birth photo.
You moms that get the choice to touch your baby's head and watch you pushing that baby out, do it please. I'll never get to experience that moment, that feeling, and that joy that gives you one more surge of energy so you can see his face up close. I had to wait for the photos to see it. And man, I am so grateful for these photos.A few more tugs, and then the rest of his sweet body is out.And he's not sure at all that he likes it. But, I am overjoyed hearing those cries.

At 12:27am, this amazing blessing directly from God, as an unmerited gift from Him, was born.

And that began what may be the longest 6 minutes of my life...Apgars were 7 and 9.8 lbs!? I asked confirmation when I heard it from across the room. I couldn't believe I had an 8lb baby when Reece was over a pound smaller. Oh how I wanted to hold that chunky monkey!I hadn't a clue what was going on over there. Couldn't see anything. I'd been yelling questions and cries to see him, and as soon as they let him, Darren whisked him over to meet his mommy.I wanted so very much to hold him, cuddle him, kiss him, nurse him, and examine every little part of him that was perfectly formed.

But I couldn't yet. They had work to do.

And it turns out that the work they had to do revealed something, something that provided the very last piece of this puzzle...

answers

At 11:30pm, Dr. H checked me. He had a Sherlock Holmes kind of look on his face, as if there was something to be solved, and he was going to solve it. As he raised up, he nodded. My hopeful heart wanted more dilation.

Instead, we got answers. He knew why the resident thought I was 7-8cm.
At 11:30pm, I was 5cm with a swollen cervix.

Like a scene from some freaky sci-fi flick, a flashback hit. A very important detail of Reece's birth had escaped my memory until this moment.

My cervix had swollen with him as well.
I know that it's not that uncommon for a woman's cervix to swell, especially with more dilation.

But, somehow it seemed to be another indicator that this baby just wasn't going to come out the way God designed. Maybe I really am one of those relatively few whose hips are too small.

Probably to my granola gals, this seems so off. But, after a bit of discussion, it seemed obvious to every one of us that I was to have a c-section. I know those things sound contrary...'obvious' and 'c-section', but that is how it felt. Yet another decision that somehow felt easy and obvious, despite it being off the original plan.

We all agreed on the c-section, and then the second rush began. It wasn't nearly as cool or exciting as when we thought that baby was coming on his own. But, I was oh so thankful that we were going to meet him soon. We all were.Yes, ladies, don't be jealous. THAT is how gorgeous I look after laboring, an epi, blood pressure meds, antibiotics, and some iv solution. Can you say swollen!?

So, it was official that I wasn't ever going to feel that pressure and urge to push so many moms get to experience. There was a little mourning, although I'm not sure I expressed it aloud.Speaking of pressure, it was low again, and they provided more ephedrine. I was a little worried about my blood pressure, if it was putting me at a greater risk for the c-section. They assured me that I was the only one that was worried. : )Another glamour shot. Thought it was too funny not to include.

So now all the prep was happening. Someone informed me that only 2 people can join me in the operating room. That was not good news.

It was clear that dear Angela had to be in the room. After all, we had to record this very special arrival. And she'd so patiently waited outside the labor room for her cue. But, that meant Kirsten would be in be in the waiting room. That WAS NOT RIGHT.This is the woman that had been with me every step of the way. Every day. She's the one that missed her girl's weekend to be with me and said, "I'd gladly, happily, easily, readily skip pretty much anything, except the birth of my own kiddo, to attend the birth of yours." She HAD to be there.

While still in the l&d room, I talked to the nurses and then the anesthesiologist about letting her in. They restated the rules and said they couldn't let her in. My heart sank. In all the things today that felt right even when they shouldn't have, this did not feel right at all.

One of my favorite pictures is this one...It's me pleading with Dr H, talking about how impt Kirsten has been to this pregnancy, this labor, and to my life. I pointed to an out-of-the-way spot in the room where she could stand, so she could witness this blessing of a life being born.

I was not to be denied. And I wasn't. ; )

She had just enough time to get cleaned and into scrubs before the cutting began...

pressure

So, Dr. Harris checked me. Man, we were excited to see his face and for him to confirm that this baby was coming and coming fast.
45 minutes after the resident checked me, I was thinking...maybe this will be the last time I'll be checked. I mean, that 7-8cm came so quickly, maybe it was downhill from here, right? Baby is coming soon...Eeee!

The flurry of energy paused for a moment as he checked me.But, at 10pm, I was 5cm, 100% effaced, +1 station.

Dude, talk about knocking the wind out of my sails. We gasp under our breath; I probably gasp aloud. Everyone was miffed.
We wanted answers, but we didn't have any.

Never thought the resident and the doc could be that far off.
Now what? Felt confused, sad, a little depressed, and still quite irritated about the shakes.

In mourning, completely exhausted and right about the time the shakes stopped, something else became a focus. Around 7:15pm, my blood pressure was low-ish (which I still think is so cool, b/c I attribute it to keeping my body and mind so relaxed). They began watching it. And now the epi kicked it down to another level. It's pretty common to have lowered bp from the epi, but since mine was already a bit low, it was even lower.

10:35pm - Shakes stopped. Hallelujah. Had low blood pressure and was given an IV of ephedrine.This WAS NOT the kind of pressure I was hoping to have about now.

I was worn out and once the shakes stopped, I was thankful for a relaxed body again. I rested, still hoping this baby would be born the way God intended, but prayed for a healthy baby and for His will to be done.Love her name tag that reads "Family."
Then at 11:15pm, Kirsten posted on facebook: "alright all you fb baby stalkers. We're at a 5, 100% effaced, plus one. Getting some rest." She didn't tell any details as I desired, but those all natural birth mommas had to wonder what "getting some rest" meant.

Just 15 minutes later at 11:30 (but an hour and a half after the last one), Dr H would check me again. Maybe, just maybe we'd be closer to pressure of a different kind...