answers

At 11:30pm, Dr. H checked me. He had a Sherlock Holmes kind of look on his face, as if there was something to be solved, and he was going to solve it. As he raised up, he nodded. My hopeful heart wanted more dilation.

Instead, we got answers. He knew why the resident thought I was 7-8cm.
At 11:30pm, I was 5cm with a swollen cervix.

Like a scene from some freaky sci-fi flick, a flashback hit. A very important detail of Reece's birth had escaped my memory until this moment.

My cervix had swollen with him as well.
I know that it's not that uncommon for a woman's cervix to swell, especially with more dilation.

But, somehow it seemed to be another indicator that this baby just wasn't going to come out the way God designed. Maybe I really am one of those relatively few whose hips are too small.

Probably to my granola gals, this seems so off. But, after a bit of discussion, it seemed obvious to every one of us that I was to have a c-section. I know those things sound contrary...'obvious' and 'c-section', but that is how it felt. Yet another decision that somehow felt easy and obvious, despite it being off the original plan.

We all agreed on the c-section, and then the second rush began. It wasn't nearly as cool or exciting as when we thought that baby was coming on his own. But, I was oh so thankful that we were going to meet him soon. We all were.Yes, ladies, don't be jealous. THAT is how gorgeous I look after laboring, an epi, blood pressure meds, antibiotics, and some iv solution. Can you say swollen!?

So, it was official that I wasn't ever going to feel that pressure and urge to push so many moms get to experience. There was a little mourning, although I'm not sure I expressed it aloud.Speaking of pressure, it was low again, and they provided more ephedrine. I was a little worried about my blood pressure, if it was putting me at a greater risk for the c-section. They assured me that I was the only one that was worried. : )Another glamour shot. Thought it was too funny not to include.

So now all the prep was happening. Someone informed me that only 2 people can join me in the operating room. That was not good news.

It was clear that dear Angela had to be in the room. After all, we had to record this very special arrival. And she'd so patiently waited outside the labor room for her cue. But, that meant Kirsten would be in be in the waiting room. That WAS NOT RIGHT.This is the woman that had been with me every step of the way. Every day. She's the one that missed her girl's weekend to be with me and said, "I'd gladly, happily, easily, readily skip pretty much anything, except the birth of my own kiddo, to attend the birth of yours." She HAD to be there.

While still in the l&d room, I talked to the nurses and then the anesthesiologist about letting her in. They restated the rules and said they couldn't let her in. My heart sank. In all the things today that felt right even when they shouldn't have, this did not feel right at all.

One of my favorite pictures is this one...It's me pleading with Dr H, talking about how impt Kirsten has been to this pregnancy, this labor, and to my life. I pointed to an out-of-the-way spot in the room where she could stand, so she could witness this blessing of a life being born.

I was not to be denied. And I wasn't. ; )

She had just enough time to get cleaned and into scrubs before the cutting began...