oh, the irony

I began shaking.
Oh, I wish it was the excitement, but instead, the epi.
I HATED it.

Ironically, the very thing it was designed to do, help you relax, was the VERY OPPOSITE thing it was doing. My entire body was tense.
My mouth, once loose breathing big blows of air through each contraction. My limbs, once limp to allow my body to open up and deliver this baby. My hands, once open to greet the pain head on.
All now tense and tight. HATE this.Everything I'd worked so hard to control (by control, I mean staying relaxed and letting go of tension), was now completely out of my control. My teeth chattered, my hands shook, and my fists were clinched. This sucked.

Now, keep in mind, I didn't hate it worse than those contractions. But, I hated the very unnatural feeling that resulted from the medicine. Very unnatural, indeed.

Somewhere during these shakes, a catheter was put in.

And since that the baby was on the way, Angela was now in with her camera. I can't quite explain how I was feeling about that as she snapped a few of me.Hmm, I'll try.

I already explained why I didn't have her in the room earlier. I needed to stay focused and not think/worry about anything else...and I would have.

If I'd been an 8 and contracting like I was, I would have asked her in. But, at a 2, I knew I needed every ounce of energy focused on relaxing and bringing that baby down, knowing it was a long road ahead.

I mean, I never expected that I'd get an epi at 2cm.
So, there Angela was, taking pictures of this tense, clinched, frustrated woman...a complete opposite picture of that same woman less than an hour before. She had no idea...and now, we had no evidence.I felt a little robbed, honestly.

10:00pm - Dr. Harris came in. A warmth and renewed air of excitement permeated, at least it did for me. After all, I was about to have this baby, this beautiful baby boy that God undeservingly, incredibly graciously, blessed us with.Dr. H. checked me...