oh, the irony

I began shaking.
Oh, I wish it was the excitement, but instead, the epi.
I HATED it.

Ironically, the very thing it was designed to do, help you relax, was the VERY OPPOSITE thing it was doing. My entire body was tense.
My mouth, once loose breathing big blows of air through each contraction. My limbs, once limp to allow my body to open up and deliver this baby. My hands, once open to greet the pain head on.
All now tense and tight. HATE this.Everything I'd worked so hard to control (by control, I mean staying relaxed and letting go of tension), was now completely out of my control. My teeth chattered, my hands shook, and my fists were clinched. This sucked.

Now, keep in mind, I didn't hate it worse than those contractions. But, I hated the very unnatural feeling that resulted from the medicine. Very unnatural, indeed.

Somewhere during these shakes, a catheter was put in.

And since that the baby was on the way, Angela was now in with her camera. I can't quite explain how I was feeling about that as she snapped a few of me.Hmm, I'll try.

I already explained why I didn't have her in the room earlier. I needed to stay focused and not think/worry about anything else...and I would have.

If I'd been an 8 and contracting like I was, I would have asked her in. But, at a 2, I knew I needed every ounce of energy focused on relaxing and bringing that baby down, knowing it was a long road ahead.

I mean, I never expected that I'd get an epi at 2cm.
So, there Angela was, taking pictures of this tense, clinched, frustrated woman...a complete opposite picture of that same woman less than an hour before. She had no idea...and now, we had no evidence.I felt a little robbed, honestly.

10:00pm - Dr. Harris came in. A warmth and renewed air of excitement permeated, at least it did for me. After all, I was about to have this baby, this beautiful baby boy that God undeservingly, incredibly graciously, blessed us with.Dr. H. checked me...

something amazing happened

It was in fact, a very small number.
My heart sank.

Time stood still for just a minute as we three gasped inside and took it in.

Then, Kir kicked right back into doula mode, talking me down from the ledge. I knew this look well. I'd seen it a few times before, heck, I'd even photographed it.

But, I wasn't ready. I stopped her mid sentence.
I was allowed to mourn this for a moment, just a moment. After all, everything that we saw, felt, and had done today was so contrary to that stupid, teeny, tiny number.
I felt confused, sad, exhausted, beaten down, and scared.

There. I had my moment.
More contractions came. Darren and Kirsten continued the much needed and helper hip squeezes. As excruiciating as they were, I still remained relaxed as I desired, blowing long breaths of air of my mouth during each one.

Right after he told us the number, Dr. H mentioned breaking my water as an option to hopefully kick things into gear. But, I knew that would mean an internal monitor, and I wasn't ready for that just yet. That was on our list of things to avoid if at all possible.

But, really, that was a moot point at this stage. I mean, I was laboring IN the bed. And frankly, holding the monitor on my belly was becoming a VERY LARGE pain (hmmm, pain may not be the right word here, in lieu of some horrific pain that I was in). Kir tried to hold the monitor on my belly. I tried to hold it on my belly. We tried to jam it into my belly. But, during nearly every contraction, we lost the heart beat on that stupid thing. The nurses rushed in so many times to confirm, and force that monitor on my slightly sensitive (hello!) belly until they found that little guy. It hurt. And, I didn't need any more of that.

5:45pm - We were ready to talk with Dr. Harris about breaking my water. Was a VERY clear choice. Everything else looked so great, but only little dilation. Perhaps, my body just needed that extra push (or prick, as the case may be). And now, ironically, the idea of the internal monitor actually sounded like a huge relief.

Within 10 minutes of talking, asking questions, and contractions, we agreed to break my water.

But, before we broke my water, they began working on my IV, antibiotics for Group B Strep.

Also, somewhere in here Darren got the iPod going with my Early Labor music mix.

6:30pm - While they worked to get my IV in, "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" began playing. Darren and Kirsten looked at each other and smiled hopeful grins, and I'd like to think they nodded a mutual appreciation for my music taste. ; )

We were hopeful something was really about to kick in...or should I say, kick out...

6:40pm - Dr. Harris comes in ready to break my water, and instead, gets his groove on a little. In response to Michael Jackson, 3rd Day, and then Stevie Wonder, he says, "this is the most original labor music I've ever heard." Oh, and he liked it, alright. ; ) No water breaking, though, because although I have among the biggest, most beautiful veins (seriously, I am a phlebotomist's dream), they were unable to get that IV in. Once or twice the 'sticker', as I'll not as kindly refer to them now, said, "oooh, sorry, that one is going to bruise pretty good", and STILL didn't have the darn thing in.

6:55pm - Finally got that $#%^* IV in.
Somewhere in here, Angela arrives to photograph the birth. She had called earlier anxiously wanting to come up (to be with me and to not miss it, of course). But, I wasn't ready for her. Funny, that being a birth photographer (can I call myself that since I absolutely love it and have photographed 4 births?), you'd think I wanted her there right away. But, I didn't.

It wasn't because of her at all. It was because of MY plan. I knew that mentally, I needed to only have Darren and Kirsten there until we got closer (in dilation, that is). I knew that I would be distracted about the pictures, angles, how I looked, whether the lighting was good or not (you're figuring out I think too much, right?), and just stuff that I shouldn't be when my goal was to remain focused and relaxed. So, I didn't let her come in just yet. I felt really bad that she was sitting just outside the door, but this was my birth and I had to stay with my goals. I think Kirsten felt bad for her too. But, honestly, I think she was just glad to be there. Isn't that a great friend for you?

7:15pm – An hour and 20 minutes after we decided to break my water, it was finally broken. The good news was that my water was broken and hopefully that would get some major dilation going. The bad news - Dr H checked me just before breaking it, and I was STILL a blasted 2cm. Maybe that doesn’t seem like a big deal, as we’d already decided to break my water, but IT WAS A BIG DEAL. It had been 2 hours and 20 minutes since the last check and these contractions had been ever stronger. I expected SOME kind of change, even if just a little. Again, I mourned a moment, but this time we already had a next step in place. Again Kirsten and Dr H were reassuring with their words, but their eyes told me they were a bit miffed themselves.

I asked Dr H, WHY, OH WHY, was there no progression. Everything seemed so far along. I seriously believed I was contracting at about a 7+ right now, and I believed Kir and Dr H felt so too. Ultimately, nobody knew, but one - the very One that had so graciously put this precious baby in here to begin with. I wanted answers. Mentally, I needed some answers. But, I wasn’t going to get any. There was desperation in my questions to him, and this point began a whole other level of pain and exhaustion. Mentally, I was fading, fading fast. I needed a bone, people, throw me some kind of bone.

Darren had been incredibly encouraging this whole time. He was so supportive, and honestly was a great labor partner and helper. You see, for him, it was excruciating to watch someone he loved so much be in so much pain. It hurt him to witness this, and I knew it. I’m sure there was a big part of him that wanted it to be over for both of us. But, he knew our plan and stayed right with it. He was feeling this right along with me in a way. Through his encouraging words, “You’re doing so great.”, that I heard over and over, I also felt how very proud he was of me. He saw a woman be strong and tough…really strong and really tough. This was the very same woman that expresses nearly every emotion and ache and pain she ever feels. And yet, here she was suffering and strong, quiet and focused, all the while scared, really scared. I believe he grew in his appreciation, respect, and love for me during this, and that is worth it alone.

I know I've talked about being relaxed during the contractions. Well, not only did the nurses comment on how they've never seen anyone so relaxed (let me clarify that was physically), my blood pressure confirmed it as well. It was low...they began to watch me closely.

7:25pm - I threw up. I had just told them I felt like I might and then I was pretty sure I would and then...Darren just barely got the bed pan to my mouth in time. But, there was some splashing and poor aim, and Darren got a little on his hand. A contraction hit and I didn't give a rats about the puke. I wanted those hands around my hips doing their job pronto. Darren was frozen for a second looking at his hand and my back and I blurted, "just use your puke hand!" He did. Whew.

I was so weary. My body felt beat up and worn out, and my eyes shown desperation and weariness. I was just barely staying over the top of each contraction, no longer able to do long breaths, but shorter, quicker ones. I was so scared. Every now and then the fear took over and my breathing became erratic. Kirsten breathed deeply and groaned soft low sounds to remind me what to do. It always helped.

These groans were L-O-W. I knew what that meant. At least, I knew what that meant for those 4 other ladies I photographed. It was getting close. But, I also was getting close, close, close to losing it. I had tried not to think about the numbers in terms of how much farther I still had to go before now. But, now the culmination of the day's events, the level of the contractions, the lack of progression, the exhaustion, pain, fear, blood pressure, and now what seemed insurmountable left to go...

8:15pm I barely hung in there another 45 minutes or so. Then, I looked Kir straight in the eye and told her I WAS DONE. She was ready with her talk. But, I was serious. I didn't feel sad or defeated or like a loser. I just felt that my body couldn't do this anymore. It was about to become INSANE. Seems funny to say, but I KNEW it was. I don't mean insane as just a word to describe pain. I really mean INSANE, unable to control yourself, out of your mind, near death, plus horrific pain. I am guessing what I felt was like going into the transition stage feels. But, I was only a 2.

I told Kirsten I was done. I told her that I was proud of how well I managed the pain and stayed relaxed. That was my most important goal. I told her I would not have any regrets. I felt 100% sure of that. She tried to talk me off the ledge. But, I wasn't negotiating...I was informing. I told her I was done and ready to get this baby out...I was ready for my c-section.

Uh, wait a sec...She reminded me that an epi was the next step.
Isn't that funny? In my mind somehow, I had lumped unmedicated and vaginal in the same category, so that if I got an epi, then that meant a c-section as well.

8:30pm - Finally that internal monitor got in. What a relief, honestly. And, I got checked...4cm.

It was progress, indeed. But, not enough for me to change my mind. I still had 6cm to go and I was in a crazy place. Epi requested.

8:45pm - Epi went in much easier than that IV. Go figure.

9:15pm - And then, just 30 minutes later, something amazing happened. A resident doctor came in and checked me. 7-8cm, +1 station!
Oh, we were elated!
Kirsten had that look in her eye, like "See, if you'd just waited a little bit longer, you were soooo close." She didn't say it though, but I told her I knew what she was thinking. And, I told her that I still had no regrets. I meant it.

Then, the room got crazy for another reason. The staff came in and began prepping the room for the delivery. It wasn't until I saw them readying the warming bin that I realized I could actually have this baby vaginally. I know that I'd had that conversation with Kirsten earlier, but honestly, I didn't remember that. It didn't sink in. I'm not sure why I linked the epi with a c-section, but until now, I had.

Forget that, this was surreal. I was giddy with this baby coming, coming out soon, and coming the way God designed. I was going to get to push and and witness this miracle baby enter the world. I could not wait to meet him. So incredibly blessed and grateful. I felt so much joy and couldn't wait for something even more amazing to happen...

A pretty big number

We got settled into the room and squirmed around with a lot of NO!, NO!'s until we found a laboring position that worked. I tried being on the ball, but somehow found another use for it.

Here's the position:
Sitting on the bed (I KNOW, after all that prep and fussying about being able to walk around, I wanted to sit), legs in an open butterfly position, bottoms of feet touching, birth ball in between legs, leaning forehead against ball, allowing every muscle to be completely relaxed.

So, the birth ball was used as a headrest. Hah! That's one pic I wished I had captured. Kirsten was behind and to the side doing hip squeezes every contraction. After a short while, Darren hopped in on the left, while Kirsten had the right. At some point later they switched sides and we realized that I liked it stronger on the right side.

I know I haven't talked much about the labor before now, but here's when it really start to matter. They were getting GOOD. Up until this point, it had been really good practice in breathing and staying relaxed. Don't get me wrong, they were something, but now it was really something...and...I knew it was going to get much harder.

The nurses witnessed a few contractions before Dr H came in.
Always a pleasure to see his smiling face.
We talked about the day, the progression of contractions and strength of them, and then he got to witness a few himself.

It was time to be checked.
Ok, so I had a number in my head...I think everyone did. After all, I've seen this happen 4 times. I know these were GOOD, solid contractions, and I had stayed very relaxed. I believed my body was opening up and doing as it should. Plus, we'd been at this for a while. Kirsten had a number too. Although she didn't tell me at the time, we were both thinking 6. But, I had resolved that I'd be really good with anything from a 4 to a 6, and hey, I'd take bigger too. : ) And after watching my contractions Dr H said, "Well, I'm hoping to see a pretty big number here." I figured he had one as well.

Seriously, when he said that, I was even more hopeful. I mean, how often does your doctor say something like that? It wouldn't be wise, right, to get my hopes up about a big number unless he believed it would be one. Plus, I've watched 4 births, Kirsten had doula-ed more than that, but Dr H, he's seen A TON. He knows his stuff.

But at 4:55pm, I was 2cm,
100% effaced, -1 station.

Something to talk about

5am - I woke up from the contractions. Just as every time before, I wondered if this was the start to something to talk about. The real deal. I grabbed Darren's touch bedside and began timing the contractions.

Kirsten and I always discussed trying to go back to sleep, and I knew my body would tell me when it was time, so I tried. But, even though I had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep, my mind was too anxious, thinking about this being IT. I timed them for about an hour and a half, mostly lying down. They were 7-8 minutes apart, and a little closer together when I was up, just like with Reece. I wasn't sure whether to call Kirsten, but she had always said she wanted to know if something was going on, even early on.

6:30am - I called her with the info. She was on her early morning run w/ Jeanie, so a little breathy. ; ) She said she'd finish up, come on over, we'd spend some time together, and maybe get some breakfast. I was excited, but also nervously hopeful that this was it. Having the timer helped, because when you use the clock instead, sometimes you get lost in the numbers...and I think you err on the side of being closer together. At least 7 min apart for that long was something...and something is productive even if it wasn't IT today.7:45am - Kirsten arrives. With a house up and full of those watching this pot, we decided for a distraction - breakfast. In this last trimester Sausage Egg McMuffins were a breakfast I craved. So we left the McDonald's for McDonald's in order to help will on another McDonald.

We sat there chomping and chatting (Duh, I was doing the chomping. I think she was just sipping coffee.), and checking out my contractions. There weren't many people there, but I did feel watched, especially when contracting. The contractions were regular, about every 5 minutes or so, but only 30-60 seconds apart. I kept thinking that although this seemed like something, it was nothing compared to what was to come.

8:58am - Got back to the house and updated my facebook status: In early labor. Walking w/ Kir and staying mobile. Should be A WHILE before we're hospital bound. Don't call us, we'll call you. ; ) (and I'll update when we leave for the hospital)

9:05am - Opted for a walk around the 'hood. Mom joined and was just so glad to be with us. I was glad too. The morning was nice...walking amongst the morning dew and trees was a wonderful distraction if there is such a thing with two people following a big pregnant lady around. But, it was two of my favorite people. Kirsten was again in charge of the contractions and it was nice to NOT focus on those numbers.

9:51am - Returned home from the walk. The contractions were erratic according to Kirsten, about every 6 minutes lasting 45 seconds. Hmmm, I thought.

Little Ms. Must-talk-about-everything-and-think-about-everything wanted to chat about how long labor will last and about what phase we were in. (Yes, that is me.) I would have thought we'd be on our way to the hospital by now, but the contractions weren't agreeing just yet.

After we got home, I sat. Sitting for me always means 1 thing...contractions space out...and they did. They became 8-10 minutes at best. Hmmmm, again. I got on the birth ball and leaned back into Kirsten for a little back massage.

During one of the contractions, it was quiet as I concentrated on relaxing and breathing through it. My eyes were closed, but I felt a hand on me, and then a head. I assumed it was mom, and opened my eyes to see my little boy, quietly loving on his momma. I cried, and am pretty sure there were a few other teary eyes in the joint. It was a simple, beautiful gesture from his tender sweet heart...a moment that I will never forget.There were a few rambunctious ones mixed in as well. After a bit, Darren took Reece to Home Depot for an errand. We decided to head out again before they got back.

11am - Wrote on facebook - Still in early labor. Headed to mall walking w/ kir and mom. soooo happy to be here. ♥

11:35am - We walked mostly inside Macy's because I felt too conspicuous in the mall. I was having to concentrate a lot more through the contractions and didn't want to deal w/ a bunch of people looking at me. When a contraction came on, I quickly found a dressing room or corner to hunker down for a minute. Then, on we went again.

Ate at Corner Bakery. I think I got a BLT, but mostly picked at it. I remember sitting next to Kir with Mom across. I could see my reflection in the mirror in the distance. In between the contractions, I saw a woman calm, peaceful, pregnant, blessed to be here. It was me! I again felt overwhelmed by this gift, as I have so many days before this one. And now, it was nearly time to welcome this precious miracle of a life into this world. This little moment was so still...just mine, this baby, and God's.After 'lunch' we roamed the open mall a bit more.
12:30pm - Kirsten updated facebook: Loving the looks from passersby at northpark. this is normal labor folks!

The contractions got a bit stronger and closer together. Harder to be in public, we decided to head home to labor more comfortably and less conspicuously, and get ready for hospital, which seemed like what was coming soon. We made it to the double doors out when a pretty decent one hit. Kir was doing a hip squeeze on me as I leaned over. Mom and Kir said that a lady walking into the mall looked at us in horror!

We walked pretty quickly to the car, just trying to avoid a mid parking lot scene. However, I wasn't really looking forward to the car ride home. Labor + car = UNCOMFORTABLE!

2:30ish - Back home and laboring. Reece was napping. Nascar and some other clatter was on the the tv. I promptly requested none...not very politely as I recall. : ) Kirsten was timing and massaging behind me. Mom and Darren were encouraging, and probably feeling a little anxious. After all, these were getting pretty good (which means PAINFUL!!!) and pretty close together. I bet they were thinking it was time to go, and they sure weren't far off.

Wasn't much longer before we were at 5-1-1. Time, FINALLY I felt, to call Dr. H. I felt certain I called the doctor earlier than this in labor with Reece. But these were nice contractions (as Kir would called this) with a true 5-1-1...some were even closer together.

Left a message for the answering service and awaited the return call. That part felt like an hour, which was probably 15 minutes or less. : )

Dr H called. I told him about the 5-1-1 and about our day. He said, "Well, it sounds like it's time to come in and join the birthday party!" He was already at the hospital. I think I said, "REALLY?" in excitement. Finally, it was time!

3:43pm - Updated facebook, "loading up and baylor bound", and then shut down the computer. Being past due and laboring all day, you'd think everything for the hospital would be well organized and ready to go. Instead, things were in different places and felt like a mad dash to load the car.

Car got packed (thanks to big D), we waited for a contraction to pass, and I jumped into the running car. It was scary thinking about laboring in the car. I decided that sitting in the front seat would be too incredibly painful. Both car seats were in the back, yet I managed to wedge myself and my big fat belly back there. I hunkered down as far as I could, holding onto Reece's seat for balance.

Mom stayed behind with Reece. I could see the excitement, anxiousness, worry, and a little sadness all over her sweet face. I know she wished she could be right there with me.

Looking back on the car ride, it was hilarious. I was moaning and groaning, and YELLING at Darren over and over that he was going too fast and we were going to have a wreck. As I peered out of the side window, everything seemed to be FLYING by. It felt like a scene from a The Fast and the Furious.

(Later when we rode home from the hospital with new baby in tow, D said, "THIS is about how fast we were going." Not only was he not speeding, it was S-L-O-W!)

Although there was little traffic on the roads, I remember a road block or construction that altered our route. ARGH! D handled it well, but I was worried about how much longer it would take.

I think I only had to endure 3 contractions in the car before we got there. Kir was waiting when we drove up. I bet she laughed pretty hard inside when she saw how I was wedged in the back. It was a little difficult to 'unwedge' as well. ; )

Had another contraction in the hallway before I even got to the L&D doors. Then, as we get up to the desk, me hunched over, holding my belly, and scowling (but smiling too as I remembered the last time I was at that desk, I was a photographer. This time I was the momma about to give birth!), they asked what we were there for. Seriously, people?

I was thinking that I might show them RIGHT HERE if they don't get me a room soon.They did. At 4:25pm, I got a room and nurse Meg, and getting checked was next...

Wednesday to Saturday

~~~ Wednesday, the 12th ~~~Mom got here on Wednesday, two days before my due date. Man, was she helpful in getting those last details taken care of. Especially after all the work done at the house, I was pretty beat, and her extra hands and smile went a long way. She remembers washing and folding socks and bibs...TONS of socks and bibs. She couldn't figure out WHY we had so many. Hand-me-downs. BTW, sorting baby socks IS NOT the most fun you'll ever have. (Blowing bubbles for your grandson, though, IS pretty darn fun.)The only thing about mom being here was that I was a watched pot. It was hard not to think about it. With every contraction and grunt and groan, she wondered if THIS WAS IT. Well, of course she did, she was nearly as excited as we were, and had been calling every day, multiple times a day, checking in.

You just can't help thinking the baby is coming early. You feel so huge, uncomfortable, aren't sleeping well, and people remind you daily that it could be any moment.

I had been so busy that it really had been ok to me that the baby hadn't come yet. One thing on my mind was Kirsten's gal weekend upcoming. Every day that passed this week was one day closer to her missing it. Wednesday, she sent me an email after I mentioned it again...

Subject: just so you know
Body: I'd gladly, happily, easily, readily skip pretty much anything, except the birth of my own kiddo, to attend the birth of yours.

Now that's an email. <3

~~~ Thursday, the 13th ~~~Thursday, no more distractions. I had really cherished having this time with Reece, though. Finally, we were really ready and gave that sweet baby permission to come. Remembering that here.

~~~ Friday, the 14th...aka DUE DAY ~~~Started the morning with a walk. Mom, Reece and I walked to the creek to feed the ducks, turtles, and fish. Such a small little spot in our neighborhood that provides such sweet enjoyment. I knew this was probably the last walk to the creek as a mom of 1. I can't remember now, but I'm sure mom made some fantabulous breakfast for us beforehand.

We decided I needed some pampering and a pedicure by a pro, while mom kept Reece. I'm sure I can still count the number of pedis I've ever had on my toes. ; )
I went in around lunchtime, and they seemed a little shocked when I answered with "I'm due today." I reclined, relaxed, and nestled in with my little baby, rubbing my belly and having some sweet bonding time as the pampering continued. It was soooo quiet in there and Mai Li was WONDERFUL. She gave me the best foot and leg massage I've ever had. I think I was there for nearly an hour.

In the afternoon, Kirsten met me at the Galleria for some walking. Walkapaloosa, I coined it later. ; ) It was just the afternoon, but I was hungry (imagine that!). We talked about what healthy things I should be eating and then found ourselves in front of Five Guys Burgers and Fries. It was delicious! - too much, but oh so delicious. The only negative was that the chairs were uncomfortable. I kept shifting around to find a better position and then banged one toe of my new pedi. Stink! My '3 Plums I Win' still looked awesome though.

We walked a lot. And up and down. I was pretty proud of myself for how much I wanted to walk up and down the stairs. Every time we found a set of stairs, we went for it. Kirsten was responsible for paying attention to the contractions along the way. They were noted, but not too notable, as I kept moving through them just fine. We walked a few hours, and I really enjoyed the gal time with her (which is so often desired yet so rare). I appreciated her taking her sans children time to spend with me.

Evening hit and it seemed so weird to be due...and nearly over due.
I blogged about the day here. The evening was more of the same sporadic contractions. I tracked a few contractions in the night, but was able to get back to sleep.

~~~ Saturday, the 15th...Overdue, what is this? ~~~
After breakfast, headed to Northpark with Mom for more walking and talking. Or maybe I should say walking and with some groaning. I had to stop for contractions and grabbed onto the side of doorways and storeways. I felt a little self conscious as people glanced/peered/stared. And Mom was a little uncomfortable seeing me in pain at times, but it was still nice time with her. I assured myself it was productive, even if this wasn't time. And, it wasn't.

In the evening, I downloaded a free contraction counter application on Darren's iPod Touch. I starting measuring them, but they were inconsistent. You start to get a little obsessed watching them. After doing that too long, and then visiting, it got late. Finally, I went to bed, knowing I will need as much rest as I can get, eventually, someday, when this precious boy decides to come.

And, it was only a few hours later than something began to happen...

goals, before the story

Before I get into the labor and birth story, I wanted to remember my goals.

--- 1 --- It was my sincere desire to have a VBAC. After Reece's birth and learning so much more about doulas, hospitals, and how things could have gone, I changed doctors.

I was thinking that if I get to have another birth, another baby, I wanted the opportunity to have that baby from the place God specifically designed.I felt Reece's birth could have gone better, less medicine and more support. (For example, after my epi with Reece, it gradually stopped working. I told the nurses it was wearing off, and they smirked and told me there would be SOME pressure. After I kept insisting, they gave me some more pain meds like narcotics. Then, once I was fully BACK into excruciating labor again, they called the anesthesiologist back in. He said it had slipped in too far. He pulled it out some and then I was back in business. The narcs hadn't been necessary if the nurses would have listened.)

Soooo, I switched doctors and couldn't have been happier. I never realized you could have a doctor like that, someone that truly cared, someone that was medically superior, and yet somehow who knew that ultimately the Lord was in control.

--- 2 --- I wanted to go unmedicated. After the excruciating pain of Reece's birth, I knew I needed to mentally prepare myself, AND have the love and support of a great friend and doula there. We talked so much throughout the pregnancy about how I could handle the pain, what the pain would be like, that the pain is purposeful, and mechanisms to cope. I am sure I drove her crazy with those conversations over and over, months and months. It was all part of preparing my brain and getting my body ready. Oh and I also warned her repeatedly that I'd be an angry laborer. She reassured me that she could handle it. : )------
#1 and #2 weren't goals just because I thought it would be a cool experience. God has designed this process with incredible detail. It is beautiful and amazing...I'm soooo thankful I've gotten to witness it 4 times (I hope more!) But, it is also purposeful. The hormones our bodies produce at various points to get us through the pain, heal our bodies, and provide for the baby just blows my mind. I wanted all that good stuff for me and my baby.
...and the cool experience. : )--- 3 --- Even more important than going unmedicated (as well as having a VBAC) was my desire to manage the pain well.

I knew it was going to be horrific. I also know that I am the kind that would be projecting ahead. Meaning, if I was at 4cm and the pain was SOOOO BAD, I'd be thinking that if it is this bad at a 4, I'll never make it to a 10. And that kind of thinking can really blow it.

I feel things strongly...my body is just sensitive, Kirsten told me all along. Because of that, I knew even more that my mind and body needed be connected. I needed to STAY IN THE MOMENT. My goal was to stay relaxed through the contractions, including blowing air out of loose lips. I believed that a relaxed body and even mouth, made for a relaxed environment down there. Stay focused on being relaxed and loose - that was a HUGE deal if I was going to manage the pain well, I thought.

Speaking of pain, when Kirsten asked Darren and I to rate my pain medication preference, we answered the same -7 (see link) It reads...

"I have a very strong desire for a natural birth, for personal gratification along with benefits to my baby and my labor. I will be disappointed if I use medication."

There was one exception. I resolved to NOT be disappointed. I knew I was committed to doing everything I could. I wanted to be proud and thankful for the experience. After all that God had blessed me with, I was not going to walk away sad that I didn't do more...that wasn't what it was about for me. And I didn't need to put that pressure on myself...so I didn't. We decided I was a -6. : )Other desires we discussed as a team (including with the doctors):
- no breaking my water - wanted to let it happen
- no internal monitor - because that would restrict movement and may have to labor in bed, which was soooo uncomf w/ Reece
- no induction - likely that would impact my ability to have a VBAC
- no early hospital arrival - wanted to wait until full active labor

Ok, now on with the show...

my birth photo

Although nothing like I had planned, this picture is so incredibly beautiful to me...my birth photo.

I treasure it. Thank you, Angela, for being there and capturing the first seconds and minutes of my little boy's life into this new world. <3Even though this pregnancy resulted in another c-section, I am so thankful for the entire experience and feel completely satisfied by it.

I am proud, I am strong, and I am so loved and cared for. Every decision seemed clear. The story of the birth is another great part of this journey, and I look forward to capturing it here soon.

A little bean sprouted

Zach Finley McDonald was born this morning at 12:27am.
He was 8 lbs even and 19 3/4 inches long.

The labor and delivery were not what we expected and yet somehow so wonderfully fulfilling. More on that later, only to add that Kirsten and Darren were absolutely amazing.

A little bean sprouted today.
Thank you, Lord, for this very special day.

due

It's weird to be due.
I never expected to not have gone into labor by now...and to officially be later than Reece was. With Reece, we headed to the hospital at 3:15am the day he was due...and he was born at 6:01pm.

It's hard to say for sure how big your baby will be, but the average newborn weighs about 7 1/2 pounds (a small pumpkin) and is about 20 inches long. His skull bones are not yet fused, which allows them to overlap a bit if it's a snug fit through the birth canal during labor. This so-called "molding" is the reason your baby's noggin may look a little conehead-ish after birth. Rest assured — it's normal and temporary.

So, I'm waiting, and I'm pretty patient...I think.
There is however a part of me that wonders if I've done something wrong or been too stressed or haven't created a completely safe environment for this little guy to come out somehow. Those that know me well, also know this line of thinking with me.

But, here's what I do know.
- He WILL come, eventually and one way or another. And for that, I'm so excited.
- God put him here, so He knows what He's doing. <3
- Today was a great day, which included a walk to the creek with Reece and Mom to feed the ducks, fish, and turtles, a pedicure with an absolutely fantastic leg and foot message (and some quiet bonding time w/ me and baby boy), a great burger and fries, and a walkapaloosa and chat with Kirsten at the Galleria.
- Every day that passes makes me even more desirous to meet this little baby, and more prepared to endure the labor forthcoming.
- We're praying for it to be time, and for patience.

So, I'd say due day was a pretty good one.
Plus, it makes sense to my weird brain that I'd be 40 years old and 40 weeks pregnant. I've embraced the first 40 so well, I just need to do the same here. ; )

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

permission

I've had contractions for a couple of days. But, they've been really on and off. Every day that has passed, I've been fine with another day of carrying this sweet baby boy inside me. It is sweet.

I've also been distracted. Every night, I tell myself and him that it is great if he decides to come and it is ok if it is not time yet. I have trusted in God's plan. And yet, some of it has been a bit selfishly motivated, too. With the house stuff, there have still been deliveries, errands, and appointments that have made it easier to be content with him staying put. Today was the last big outstanding thing, and was an unexpected blessing.

Today has also been fun. When people ask when you're due, it is pretty cool to get to tell them that you're due tomorrow and watch their reaction. So many other days people have said, "oh so you're getting close", or "you've got a little bit longer", or "you look ready now". I like the big-eyed, "oh!" expression the best. : )

Back to the distractions...
Tonight, we're doing the last and final things. Darren is installing the car seats, mom is rewashing the clothes (b/c of the dust from the house stuff), and I am putting together a final list of what needs to be loaded into the car when it is time.

Lastly, I am giving both me and this sweet baby boy permission...permission to come. No more distractions, no more would-be-ok-ifs. I am ready. We are ready.
I am not anxious...just fully ready, finally.Lord, we are ready for this amazing blessing to enter this world. We pray for his safety and mine. We can't wait to see him, to kiss him, to hold him, and to bring him home. I hope it is time soon...but ultimately, Your timing is well worth continuing to wait for. <3

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Only God knows

While I may have had the grumpiest day of my life yesterday, there is AT LEAST one thing I really love about being THIS pregnant.

I absolutely love that in spite of all sonograms, doctor examinations, wives tales, and tips and tricks, that NOBODY really knows when this baby is coming....only God knows.

I JUST love that. The thought runs through my head every time someone comments or speculates on when he's coming. I get a little smile and a tee hee inside. You are so in charge, Lord. And thank you for being in charge. You've already done a miracle, and I am grateful and still patient to wait on this one.

Yesterday, I had a scowl on my face for about 90% of the day. It wasn't some place I left myself in or really allowed myself to be, I was just in it somehow. The lack of sleep, the overextending myself days prior, and the discomfort I guess just took its toll.

I'm not saying that I won't be feeling that way again today, but so far I've started with the best night's sleep I've had in a while. I've been translating pain and discomfort with progress, but I'll just be grateful this morning that the scowl has dissipated for a while.

And besides, it could be today, 2 more days, or another week. All I'm sayin' is that only God knows, and I'm great with that.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

39 weeks

39 weeks. 1 week left to due date. seriously?

Your baby's waiting to greet the world! He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

We are so excited for you, little boy.
I still think you are one happy guy in there.
You just come on whenever you are ready. We can't wait to see your face, and come to know the happy, wiggly guy you are.

So far, I am still patient for when the time is right. After all, God already taught me much about His timing. <3

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

still can't

Last night was worse - up more and more uncomfortable. But, still nothing to call in about. It made me really start thinking about having this baby, though, and especially after reading Dooce's birth story.

Went to Kirsten's today to let the boys hang out and have a labor pep talk of sorts. I needed it. And it helped so much, along w/ that awesome foot rub I got. ; )

I'm so visual. We were talking about exactly what the baby does when he comes out. It is amazing how it is designed. She found a simulation video online. I watched it technically at first, and the next few times in awe. If I hadn't been trying to keep a little bit cool, I would have been a complete slobbery mess.

I welled up seeing that baby make its way, and thought...THAT is going to be MY baby. MY BABY!? I still can't believe God has given us this gift. I still can't. I am completely overwhelmed with gratefulness.

Enough chatter about being scared and the pain.
What a gift...what a honor to be a mommy for another time...what a pleasure and a blessing. God made this infertile 40 year old, a mommy again and a story of His amazing power and love.

I can't wait to meet you, little baby boy, to see your little face.
And only 8 more days.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

quite loosely

Last night I had a lot of early/mini/tiny 'contractions'. I use that term QUITE loosely at this point. It was something stronger than the usual Braxton Hicks tightening, which made me take a lot more notice, but is more like a cramping pain. And again, 'pain' is a word I also use QUITE loosely knowing that this is actually not pain of any sort compared to what is coming. I would probably call it slightly uncomfortable.

Anyway, I felt like I had a zillion of them last night while sleeping. I kept waking up thinking, "oooh, yep, there's another one", and going back to sleep.

Having one right now.

I know that this could mean 9 more days or 9 more hours. It doesn't mean much. But, it does mean that my body is preparing, and for that I am grateful. I am still in no hurry, but am glad to have my body be responding and the baby to be moving lower. He's still so happy and moving around in there. And man, do the movements down low feel soooo strange.

I don't think it is time yet, but still wanted to record the preparation that continues to happen. I love it.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

nesting

call it what you want, but a lot has been going on at our house the past couple of weeks, very little of which even impacts the baby's room. instead, it is in the areas where we spend our family time together...and that seems even more important.it already feels like a brand new nest.
and, i'm excited about spending more time in this new place.

things seem to be falling into place, and the stress level is going down.
reece prays for his baby brother to come soon every night. tonight, i reminded him that God will know when the time is right, and maybe it will be when everything gets finished and we're able to put the house back into order.

or maybe it is tonight...who knows. either way, we're so excited.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

38 week appointment

38 week appointment was this afternoon.

First was a sono. When I asked Erin why Dr H asked for a sono (not that I was complaining), she said plainly, "because of your age". : )
Baby boy is head down and facing backwards - man, that was GOOOOOD news.
He was 7lbs even according to their calculations.
Evidently he was scored on 4 different measurements, 2 points each. He got an 8 of 8, so I'd say he's looking pretty darn perfect in there. It was cool to watch him sucking his hands, and seemingly so happy in there.

Next, Dr H checked me.
I told him about feeling weird the other night. At the time I had no idea what it was, but the next day believed that the baby moved down a little that night.
I was hoping I wasn't wrong.

Last week a -3 station, today a -1. Yep, he moved alright. Otherwise, I'm about 50% effaced and just a fingertip dialated. Progress of any kind is great.

Mostly, I'm excited that his face is facing backward and he's engaged at a -1. All the other signs are awesome too. Dr H said everything looks so good and he's really optimistic about the VBAC. I'm excited about the possibility of that too.

But most importantly, I'm thankful for another day. Thank you, Lord.

Lisa

Self checked out this morning at Home Depot and saw the same little lady I saw yesterday. Yesterday, Reece was with me yesterday and we chatted about having another boy.

Today, she stopped me directly and said she wanted to ask me a question. She asked, "How did you get pregnant? What day of the week worked for you?"

I know, it was a bit of an odd question.
I shared our struggle to get pregnant with Reece and this second time another struggle and a diagnosis to confirm my lack of fertility. I told her that the doctors had said that InVitro was what we needed to do to in order to get pregnant.

There was a slight language barrier and she was a little confused of the details of why I couldn't get pregnant, but got the gist of it.
"So, how did you do it?", she asked.
I replied, "God did it."

It was short and sweet, but that part she got completely.
I asked if she was trying and she said that her friend was.
What a dear friend she must be to ask a total stranger these questions.

I asked if I could pray for her friend, and she seemed pleasantly surprised. She said her name was "Lisa".

I teared immmediately as I walked out of Home Depot.
Man, God uses this story in so many unexpected ways. Wow. Again I am overwhelmed for this tremendous blessing.

If it is your will, please bless Lisa with a child that she so desires. I know that yearning so well. Even more importantly, I pray that she be encouraged by what you have done and that she come to know and rely fully on You and Your great love for us above all else.

Those that follow this special journey along w/ me, please pray for her too. And, I'm sure you know many others like her.

Thank you, Lord, for this miracle and this story, so that your great name, love, and grace may be known by many, many more.

And thank you, Lord, for another day.

Sir leeks a lot

38 weeks starts today. 2 weeks left, just 14 days.

Your baby has really plumped up. He weighs about 6.8 pounds and is over 19 1/2 inches long (like a leek). He has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold his hand for the first time! His organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb.

Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If he's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If he's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time he's 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after he's born, but they usually won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)

'Sir leaks a lot' is a name I call Reece sometimes. I think you can guess what it means. ; ) This week, I guess I'll call you that, with a slightly different meaning. Soon enough, you'll earn that title all your own.

It is UNREAL that we are down to 2 weeks. Unreal. You feel free to keep on brewing if you'd like. Can't wait for you to squeeze our fingers with your tiny little hands. Can't wait to meet you.

I still feel completely unprepared. With all going on at the house, your room is a gigantic mess, and things are displaced all over the house. But, it'll eventually all get to the right place. Most importantly your home is with us...that's my favorite place. I love you little baby boy. <3

Thank you, Lord, for another day, only being 2 weeks away, and possibly any day.

Willing it on

Thanks to mom, I am donning this sleep shirt tonight - willing it on...

Can't sleep

The past two nights I haven't been able to sleep.
Last night, it was my hip. Tonight, I'm not sure what.
My mind was racing w/ stuff, and I just went ahead and got up.

I've been awake since before 2am.

I tried my usual Soduku puzzles and I prayed, but alas still awake.
I'll try again in a minute, but got at least 1 thing off my checklist via computer.

And, the workers are coming in less than 2 hours and it looks like I'm not going to be a very rested momma. Chances for a nap are very low with the noise that is happening around here during the day. It is such a short time in the big scheme of things, and I will be so thankful for the result...actually, I already am.

So, I pray for energy to sustain me throughout the day today. And I thank you, Lord, for another day.

Positive

In all the relief about Monday, I failed to mention one not so positive note.

I am in fact positive with Group B Strep.
The internet can be a scary thing when you research stuff like this. But, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention wrote it well: http://www.cdc.gov/GroupBstrep/general/gen_public_faq.htm

So, the good news is:
- I'm considered full term
- I will get antibiotics for it via IV when I get to the hospital
- We found out now
- The chances are low that the baby will get anything

I'll pray for protection for this little guy, and ask that you pray with me.
Again, I can worry, but there is nothing I can do. There is, however, a lot God can do. And Dr H keeps reminding me that God clearly has some plan for this little miracle and this little baby. <3

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

37 week appointment

Last night I was pooped. exhausted. spent.
We've got a lot going on at the house. I gave every ounce of energy and probably did too much to prepare for today.

I also have been doing my exercises for helping this sweet baby to move. But, honestly feel like he's moved a lot, just not necessarily where he's supposed to be...head down.

Last night was not a good night of sleep. I was surprised b/c I was so exhausted I thought nothing could keep me up. But these achy hips of mine said otherwise. I probably didn't get to sleep until about 12:30, and then at 1:30 began the every 5 minute hip rotation.

On my way to the appointment, I felt the same movements I did last week. I felt body parts down low, thinking again that he might shake hands with Dr. H. But, experience told me that it was probably feet instead. I knew that would be ok, but was just one little thing to send over the edge an emotionally and physically exhausted momma. I almost started crying. But, kept it together instead. I know God has got this whole thing.

Dr H examined me and said he feels head down! I was so surprised. He confirmed with a quick sono, and oh that beautiful face gets me every time. He's head down, facing right, spine along my left side, bottom up, and feet over to the right. So, ironically what I felt this morning likely WAS a hand.

Man, God is good.

I'm not dialated or effaced and at -3 station. Good with me. At this point, I don't feel anxious about that at all. He'll come when it is time.
Dr. H recommended I walk to help secure this boy's downward position. Kir recommended some swats as well. Both sound so much better than the crazy positions I was in.

And the house? 3 crews were at the house when I got home, working SOOO HARD to get these floors done as soon as possible. God took care of all of my worries today, albeit small ones, I know.

Thank you, Lord, for being sooo incredibly good to us. And, thank you for another day.

Full term

37 weeks along, with 19 days, just 3 weeks to go.

Congratulations — your baby is full term! This means that if your baby arrives now, his lungs should be fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb, even though your due date is still three weeks away.

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

Definitely have to call you Elvis this week. After your sono on Monday, we have confirmed two things: You have hair, and are a hunka, hunka burning love.

It's been a stressful time for momma lately. A ton of things are happening at the house, which I am sooo thankful for and so excited about. Next week Reece and I will pretty much be stuck in the house all week, in a confined space, with loud noises, and likely a decent amount of dust. (If the dust is too much, we'll certainly make other arrangements.)

I hope amidst it all, I enjoy that little bit of extra time with my guy. Maybe he'll help me get my bag ready for the hospital, and we can snuggle and watch some movies together. <3

I'm looking forward to the doctor appointment on Monday morning. Although, I have this feeling that he will not be head down. He's just been moving so much, all OVER the place. Chances are that at any given moment, he could be in any position. That may likely spark some more discussions...we'll see.

And if we get through Monday and on schedule w/ house stuff, I think we'll have a good sense for how the rest of the week will go. I will be calling on people for reinforcements, and feel free to check in too.

Seems like a weird mix of a post, but it just is how it is right now.
I am thankful that things are falling into place to get done before this sweet boy comes. And if not, who cares! I'll instead have a full term, beautiful baby boy in my arms.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Just breathe

I felt you breathe today, probably practice breathing.
It was wild, but it was clear. Wasn't hiccups. I knew exactly what it was.

Kir and Tara were there and felt it too.
I love, love, loved it.

It was lower lower left. Afterward, it incited a full on investigation of whether you were head down or not. I can't help but think about that so often. I think you've moved several times since Monday, just having a good old time in there finding the most comfortable position. I, too, can't sit still, so I don't blame you.

The result of our investigation is that we have no idea where your head is.
But, I know where my heart is. <3

'Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
...
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Headshot

Get down

36 week appointment was this morning.
Reece is sick, so Darren stayed home with him.

First, I weighed right on track, gaining a pound a week and still on track to be within my personal goal. 140 beats per minute, measuring on track...everything looking normal and then....

Breech.

That was a word I wasn't expecting to hear today.
What's funny is that I told Darren and Dr. H that he must know he's getting checked today b/c I think he might reach his hand out to shake yours. Well, close, but it was his feet instead. My boy is standing up...footling breech they call it.

Went straight to the stenographer for a sono complete with a bio physical scan. Yep, breech. Oh, but he was so beautiful. Everything else looked so great, and I was soooo thankful for that.

We talked about Downs and what things they look for as indicators. Baby boy had none of those things.

Saw his lungs expand and contract, his sweet mouth open and close, and his heart valves working in symmetry. And, she said he had HAIR! I was and will still be so surprised if my baby boy comes out with a good amount of hair. Reece seemed bald for so long.

She estimated his weight at 6lbs, 4oz. I think it is likely a little high, but whose the expert anyway? I have a great amount of amniotic fluid, and was not dialated (or engaged) yet, so those are actually good things for allowing baby boy to move back to head down.

I told D or Kir just yesterday that my theme song for the birth was going to be a disco song with the lyrics, 'Get down. Get down.' Then of course, there is "Get down tonight". Both awesome and appropriate.

I didn't realize I was going to call on them much sooner.
I hope we can get this baby turned, head down again. My thoughts are that w/n 2 weeks he got there on his own, so likely he can get back, right?

Going to do some positions to encourage him to move on his own and then we'll check back next week. I'm not a great candidate for an external version because my placenta is anterior, which just means it is high and therefore is a bit of risk of tearing it when moving him.

Also, if I go into labor and/or my water breaks, there is also a risk of cord prolapse which is a little scary. But, all signs point to beautiful, healthy baby that is not quite ready to come just yet.

Ultimately, I am so thankful that he looked so good. I really have a joy about that today. I don't feel discouraged by the breech positioning. It sure was a shocker though.

Instead, I am hopeful he will move. But if he doesn't, I just pray for that baby to be healthy in my arms when the time is right. These are clearly circumstances beyond my control, and I've gotten much better about letting those go. God has them. And God loves this baby. I pray for baby boy's protection and for your will, Lord, in this birth, whatever and whenever it is. <3

After much positioning tonight, I have felt A TON of movement on the left side. Perhaps he's transverse already. Who knows.

I'll get the sono pics up tomorrow. : )
But for tonight, "Get Down, Get Down."

Thank you, Lord, for a beautiful baby boy I got to see inside me today, and thank you for another day.

4 more

36 weeks, 27 days, 9th month, 4 more weeks. Unreal.
Dr appointment is coming up on Monday for Strep B test and to get checked while we're there. Weekly appointments after that...wild.

Your baby is gaining about an ounce a day. He now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. He's shedding most of the downy hair that covered his body, as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that protected his skin during his nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of his first bowel movement.

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. Most likely he's in a head-down position. But if he isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying he'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating him from the outside of your belly.

Head down - check. You've been that way for a while, sweet boy. Now, let's hope you will also facing backward too, once it is time to come.

I'm big, hot, achy, often tired, grateful, and excited. Yes, those do all go together. <3

You stay in there a little while longer, sweet boy and keep on growing. I hope you like your little house...it won't be much longer until you have a new one.

I still shake my head that we are here.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

The crib

Feeling so incredibly overwhelmed this week. There is much going on. We didn't plan or intend for all of this to land in this last month, but somehow it has.

Today, we put up the crib. It felt like progress.

It had been in the garage, awaiting a return trip to Gigi's. She so generously let us borrow it with Reece. Today, I couldn't help reflecting on the last conversation we had about it.

I emailed her on Oct 1st and told her it was ready (and I was even more so) to get it back to her. I was really ready too. It was sitting in the garage, and I saw it every day, sometimes multiple times. Although I had found a peace about God's plan, whatever it was, I was still ready to not see it every day, sitting there, reminding me.

When she wrote back, she said, "Don't worry about the crib and the glider...keep it until you need it again." I was thinking, "no, you don't understand..."

But, no, in fact it was I that didn't understand.
I never expected that within 2 months of sending that message, I'd be turning 40 and be 40 weeks away from this little miracle.

Thank you, Lord, for this crib that sat in my garage until your plan unfolded. And thank you, Lord, for another day.

Cheer

I can't remember all of it, but a cheer came to mind today.

My back is achin'
my pants too tight
my body shakes from left to right.
Hey. Hey.

Thank you for giving me a reason to cheer, and thank you, Lord, for another day. Hey. Hey.

30 days

Just 30 more days. <3

A song from the 70's immediately came to mind: "30 days in the hole" by Humble Pie.

Well, this is nothing like prison, I can assure you. And, I'm pretty sure this little baby boy agrees. There are parties thrown in there at all hours of the day and night.

But, being pregnant and 40 (hence the 70's reference) with only 30 more days, sure does make a woman humble indeed.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

1 month

Today to the day I'm due 1 month away.
Still blown away, everyday.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Belly shot

I know we're over due for a belly shot, but I don't think you'll be disappointed with this one. Thanks to Angela and Tracy at Moon Cookie Photography, I'm going to have some treasured photos from this sweet, sweet pregnancy.The belly shot is from a couple of weeks ago. I mention that b/c I probably have grown quite a bit even since then. And there will be more to post as well. Stay tuned!

Fleetwood

35 weeks along and 35 days to go.
(Love the double reference.)

Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

This week I'm calling you Fleetwood Mac, just for giggles.
And just as I wrote that it was just for fun, I realized there is a reference here after all...

Once I did stop thinking about tomorrow, it was soon here, and it was better than before. (It WAS one more.) Yesterday's gone. Yesterday's gone.

And today is yours, Lord.
Thank you for one more.

meant

Got to tell your story again today, sweet boy.

Reece's sweet old VBS teacher today asked if I planned to have 5 more children.
That was a huge compliment. I told her I was 40. ; )
And then I told her and another mom how very grateful I am to be 40 and pregnant with you. I love telling your story...God's story.

Today, it was meant for someone.
Turns out the other mom (of two children), was struggling to have a 3rd. It had been easy to conceive the other two, and she was in unfamiliar territory. She said she hadn't told many people because they often responded with "well aren't you glad you already have 2?" There just isn't as much sympathy for those struggling with infertility, who already have children.

Sweet boy, she was so encouraged today by your story and by God's grace, timing, love, and blessing.

Lord, I pray for her today. I pray for her journey. I pray she know and feel your presence with her, and that she begin to feel peace about your plans, which are far, far greater than our own. And, Lord, I pray that you bless her in a way that your sweet love be known.

Thank you, Lord for your blessing, for this baby boy, and for another day.

Right on track

34 week appointment today went well.
I was in and out pretty quickly.

I weighed in right on target, gaining right at a pound a week.
I measured right on target, 34 weeks along. So, take that all you strangers that comment on my bigness and think I should be due sooner. ; )

Dr. H says he's head down, about 4 1/2 pounds with a strong heart beat.

Next appointment I'll get my Strep B test and an internal exam just to check station and see if there is any progression yet. I may not have another sono. But, that's ok with me. No sono means that everything seems to be going well that there's no need for it.

My ganglion cyst actually looks smaller from last visit and hasn't been bothering me a bit.

I guess you could say we're right on track. After the appointment, Reece and I went to Half Price Books and found two about being a big brother and having a new baby. Sooo sweet to read those to him at nap time today. <3

I'm definitely nesting. I don't feel any differently, emotionally. But, I do feel anxious to get the room ready, crib set up, clothes sorted through and washed, and a ZILLION other things (some baby-related and some not). We are doing a little redecorating in the living/dining area as well. I know that all this stuff is sooo small, so I'm trying to just select a couple of things per day to tackle. Plus, even if we don't get to it all, we'll make due and be fine. Besides, we've got a baby on the way...how crazy cool is that?

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

My name is Earl

34 weeks along, just 6 weeks to go.

Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. His fat layers — which will help regulate his body temperature once he's born — are filling him out, making him rounder. His skin is also smoother than ever. His central nervous system is maturing and his lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

This week your name is Earl, from the greatness that is
Love Ya Blue, #34, Earl Campbell.

I'm starting to get more and more excited about meeting this little guy. It's still unbelievable to me. I am so excited to see your face, your nose, your toes, your hands and cheeks and legs that kick, kick, kick. I want to kiss and squeeze and cuddle and smell every little part of you.

Reece seems to be so excited about becoming a big brother.
He continues to share all that's going to happen with random people. I love hearing him talk about his baby brother. Love, love. He has been a really good helper lately. I've been so proud of him.

Each event lately makes me think about how in about 6 more weeks these will not feel like usual occurrences but will instead be brand new experiences as a family of 4.

The 4th of July parade and tradition with neighbors today was one. What a fun day, and next year, not maybe, but there will be one more.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Aug 2nd

Had the baby on Aug 2nd in my dream last night.
I have no other memories about the labor or experience in my dream, which is a nice change actually. But, I did have him on Aug 2nd and was walking around normal the next day (not in the hospital).

Not very likely, I'd say, but thank you, Lord, for another day.

Wake up call

4:30am - That's the wake up call these days. That's how long I can last before having to get up and go p.

This morning, I couldn't go back to sleep afterward. I managed decently most of the day, but hit bottom hard in the evening.

I'm becoming increasingly useless. It just is. I'm getting more used to it.

Reece often seems genuinely concerned, checks on me, and tells me he's sorry I don't feel well. I tell him that it is uncomfortable, but it is because the baby is growing...and it is sooo good for the baby to stay in here and keep growing.

He seems to understand at least intellectually what is going to happen. He told a lady today that I'm going to the hospital and that Daddy and Dr. H are going to help me get the baby out. (I need to remind him that Kirsten is going to do a lot of helping too.) He told the lady that the baby would sleep and not do much for a while, but when he gets bigger, he'll be able to play with him. And when he gets even bigger, he'll be able to have a sleep over with him. ; )

Love it. Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Belly Button

My belly button aches. A lot.

I'm also feeling the tiredness with this little guy that I don't remember feeling with Reece. It seems that I only have a certain amount of energy every day and once it's gone, it's gone....it doesn't matter what time it is.

Mom got me a sleep shirt I'm wearing every night these days. It reads, "Mommy needs sleep." It's a good reminder to all of us. ; )

Aches, tiredness, and all, I know I am so fortunate.
I want this little guy to stay in here as long as he can to grow, grow, grow. Check with me in a couple more weeks on that one. ; )

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

like candy

33 weeks...and it really feels like it's getting close now.

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.

We've been eating a lot of pineapple lately; it's in season and sooo delicious. When Daddy eats it he always exclaims, "it's like candy!". That's what you are to us baby boy, sooo unexpected, sweet, and wonderful that you're 'like candy'.

Speaking of candy, we already have a Reece, and love him to pieces. This week, I'll call you Heath. I've always liked that name. : )

Thank you, Lord, for 33 weeks and another day.

Wonderfully made

Every once in a while I'm not sure which place to post.
Today, I think it applies so well to both.

Click here to read it.

Twins?

The guy at the donut shop today was pretty friendly. Friendly, that is, to my mother, whose birthday it is. "So you're about 50?", he asked. She loved it.

Then, he looks at me and asks when I'm due. I told him and he responded..."Wow, you're big. Are you having twins?"

It still makes me laugh. I just said, "thank you, no, and you're the first person to ask me that." I guess I didn't need that donut after all. ; )

The donut shop was a stop I promised Reece on the way to my pregnancy photoshoot this morning. It's odd to be the one on the other side of the camera. But, we had fun and I think they really got some great ones. I sooo enjoyed the time with Ang and Tracy, and hope they got some for their portfolio as well.

Of course I'll be posting some here, once they are ready.
It such a special, fun morning and one I won't forget. I'm so thankful we did it today while mom was here. And so thankful we have pictures of this belly and this precious baby boy I never expected to have.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Spa-aaaahhhhhh

Thanks to the generosity of Andrew, Becki, and Amanda, I was truly pampered today. Now Pampers I'm familiar with, but pampering, not so much. I could get used to it though!

Mom's birthday is tomorrow, so she joined me for my spa day and it was wonderful. We had some great mommy and me time, which is pretty precious these days and will even more so in the coming ones.It was quite the royal treatment with mani, pedi, lunch, facial and massage. I loved it all, and don't think I've ever had a full day of pampering before. No wonder they call it the spa-aaaahhhhhh.

I so enjoyed our time together today.
Happy Birthday, Momma!

Big baby

Today, Reece and I met Kirsten and Grayson at the pool.
My sweet doula friend said two things to me, I never thought I'd hear from her.
"You're HUGE", she said as I walked up in my bathing suit.
(I noticed earlier in the mirror how much bigger I looked. Must have had a growth spurt.)

Then, a few moments later, she said it was a "big baby". Now, I know she didn't mean that I will HAVE a big baby. She only meant that I'm growing b/c the baby is growing and he's getting bigger and bigger in there.

But, it made me laugh to hear that from a gal who gets so frustrated with doctors that use those same words. : )

Big, huge, little, or somewhere in between, thank you, Lord for this baby and for another day.

Bible Bump

32 week appointment was today.
Got to see the other Dr H.

I found myself near giddy at the doctor's office today and for a few errands around town. D was off and since a routine appointment, he opted to stay home with Reece. Somehow it was meant to be that way today.

I reminisced about the other times I met the other Dr H. One was at Chrys' birth...such a special day and memory to be a part of.
(I realized last week that THE DAY I posted about that incredible birth IS THE VERY SAME DAY I am due.)

The first time I met the other Dr H. was one of the three IUIs to make this little bean sprout. I shared both meetings with the nurse, and then got to tell the rest of the story of my pregnancy. I love sharing this story of God's grace, His timing, His love, and His ability to conquer anything. We really connected and I could tell that she loved hearing the story. I love it when people listen and believe, instead of interrupting with a 'you just had to relax' kind of comment.

Ok, back to the appt...
I gained about 3 lbs since my last appointment. My goal (I should say hope, b/c I'm not really going to try hard at this) is to not go past 150, which would be right at or just under a 30 lb gain. I gained 27 with Reece. I'm saying this mostly for recording purposes, as I don't take this stuff very seriously.

I measured right on track, and his little heartbeat was clear and strong at 140 bpm. He didn't check and I forgot to ask if his head was down. I'm pretty sure it still is, and even if it isn't, it won't matter knowing it or not at this point. ; )

The one issue I brought up is that I have a little knot right next to my left ankle. It showed up Saturday afternoon randomly. I stood on my toes in the shower this morning, and heard my ankle pop, which made it a little tender.

It's a Ganglion cyst or also known as (and I prefer to call it) a bible bump. It's not a blood clot or vascular in any way, so basically it is harmless. We'll watch and see if it gets uncomfortable.
They call it a bible bump because when people got one (more commonly on wrists), they used a big book to pound it to make it burst. Not sure if it's a sign that I need to hit the Big Book a little harder or what. ; )

The other Dr H took me down to see Dr H., which is always a treat, to note its size and in case it gets larger or I call in about it. We laughed about needing a hammer to pound it down next time and again enjoyed some time together visiting and laughing. I reintroduced myself (for the 3rd time) to his adorable new nurse ("Nye-eee-la", and she asked my name again). I think we both officially have it down. Love her smile. Looking forward to seeing her again in 2 weeks.

I got the on call schedule for the week I'm due (Aug 10th - 16th).
My Dr H is on call every evening except Wed, when the other Dr. H is on call. Either way, I know God's got this, and am excited (and frightened!) about this birth that feels nearer and nearer every day.

Had more great smiles and conversations with the folks at Starbucks, Target, and Tom Thumb afterward and really enjoyed a little alone time this morning. I felt like my mind wasn't scattered in different directions...a nice change. It is also sweeter knowing I got to come home to both of my guys. : )

Thank you, Lord, for another day.