not yet

After Sesame Street, a cute gal comes on, asks questions, and does a quick lesson. Today she asked, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
Reece said, "not yet!"
Amen, Reece. I think the word 'yet' has just become one of my favorites. It's expecting and hopeful...just like me.
; )
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Brewing

Darren always said that I 'brewed up a good one' with Reece.
I'm brewing yet again.

Yesterday, I called the doctor knowing my sinus had gone infection, despite a great deal of patience, hope, and some perseverance.
So, the antibiotics began last night. The past two days I have been the most nauseous in weeks...not sure what's up. It has been pretty rough, especially afternoons and evenings. D continues to be right there to help.

I'm ready to start feeling better and hopefully I will soon.
But I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I'm still grateful to be in this place every day.

With all the yucks I feel, something awesome must be going on in there. I'd like to think I am brewing up a good one.

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

11

11 weeks today. Now we're officially on track with my due date.

My pants are starting to be snug, snug. Many days I loosen my belt or even button on my pants, trying desperately to hide it with my shirt. Yesterday, I went through the clothes friends so generously lent. I found a few stretch tummy pants I can wear right now. Dude, I can't tell you how excited I am for some stretch pants. I know. 40 and talking about the comfort of stretch pants...thank goodness I'm pregnant, right? ; )

Reece now consistently says he thinks the baby will be a baby girl.
I have no clue, but I love hearing him say what he thinks. Makes me smile. He doesn't have any name suggestions, and that's probably a good thing. ; )

I have no name ideas yet either. They'll be time for that.
In the mean time, today is 11 weeks.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

full FIGured

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Its hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under the gums, and some of its bones are beginning to harden.

It's already busy kicking and stretching, and its tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as its body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccuping that may be happening now that its diaphragm is forming.

Already kicking and stretching, this week I like to call it my little action FIGure. Wouldn't Reece love that!

Doesn't the idea of kicking and stretching in effortless water ballet-like movements sound incredibly peaceful. It must be really nice in there right now.

Out here, it's getting a little better. The sinus and congestion has really taken a toll on me most days. I haven't had much of an appetite, especially for meat, but eating small meals really helps how I feel, which I know means it helps me physically too. The congestion moved down into my throat late this week. I'm not sure if that's good technically, but it sure feels better, especially on my raw, Rudolph-like nose. The Claritin has worked great a few times and Tylenol a few times as well for the sinus pain. I'm so thankful for that.

I've taken fewer naps lately and had a pretty productive week this week considering. I got dinner on the table most nights, too. D has continued to help a ton without complaint. Thank you! The other night I went to bed at 8:30 and then woke up at 11:30 to go clean the rest of the kitchen. : )

When I'm sitting down, I often lay my hand on my belly. Sometimes, I look down, see my hand, and then remember what is really down there. It's the sweetest feeling, and results in the sweetest little smile.

All in all, I don't think I'm complaining much. I think I'm just getting through this very temporary tired, congested, and nauseous time as best I can. I'm managing my expectations every day and trying not to take on too much. I do get crabby when I'm spent, and that's a time to be cautious of. I need to ask D to step in before I get cranky with my little guy.

I don't mean to paint a picture that I walk around all day smiling. But, I do have some major perspective. Anytime I feel bad or get tired, I remember that it's all for such an amazing, beautiful thing.

I WILL NOT take it for granted. I am absolutely grateful. Grateful to be nauseous, grateful to be congested, grateful to be tired. Grateful, grateful, grateful to be pregnant.

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

Another dream came true

God's goodness never ceases to amaze me, encourage me, and fill me with thankfulness. I am blown away by the number of people that have shared their stories with me lately. These are stories of similar struggles and of similar miracles, and others have been people just encouraged by this/His little bean sprout.

I got this email a few weeks ago. It's beautifully honest and so real. I wanted to share not only this similar journey, but how God made another dream come true.~~~~~~~~~Hey Sundee:)
I've been a frequent reader of your blog for a very long time, so of course, I've been following along as you wrote about your dreams for another baby. I've been meaning to write you about that for a long time, but I just never did it, and then this morning I found out that you're pregnant!

I cried when I read your post on Reece's birthday when you said, "You've now been here as long as we tried to have you here." I thought, "That's what I'll be thinking on my little one's second birthday."

We were without birth control for 2 years before I got pregnant. Even though our journeys have been different, I was always encouraged to read your blog before I was pregnant and know that you had gone through so much to have Reece.

The only thing I've ever wanted to do is be a mom, and when it didn't happen, I was devastated. I knew that we wouldn't be able to afford infertility treatments or adoption, so it seemed like the realization of my dream was a long way off, if it would ever happen.

In August of 2007, I had to finally just grieve the loss of my dream. I had to grieve it as though I had gone to a doctor and been told "We're sorry. You will never conceive" even though that hadn't happened. The way I describe it is that I had to grieve it in order to keep my joy -- I couldn't fake it anymore. I couldn't pretend like it didn't hurt every time someone else got pregnant, especially the "We weren't even trying! What are we going to do now?!" pregnancies :) I couldn't pretend that I wasn't keeping track of how long we'd been off birth control and try to convince myself it was still a reasonable amount of time. I had to just grieve it and say, "Okay, this dream of mine may not ever happen."

And then one day, when my period was late, and it had been 38 days since my last one, I finally thought "Okay, that's really late, and I'm going to take a test, even though I'm so sick of seeing only a test line" and lo and behold, there was that wonderful second line.

It really makes me relive all those moments to read your blogs, because the timing is so similar.

Anyway, I've been meaning to write for a long time just to say "I know our journeys are vastly different, but I do understand to a small extent what it is to think your dream will never come true" and now I'm so glad to be able to rejoice with you in realized dreams! :)
~~~~~~~~~And then in a follow up email a few days later:
I was thinking about you last night, as I did some scrapbooking -- I was scrapbooking our very first moments with our little girl, and I found a little card in my supplies that I bought years ago that says "Dreams can become reality" that I put on the first page of her book -- so glad our dreams have become reality.

Me too, sweet friend. Thank you for sharing your journey and your heart with me, and allowing me to share it with others.
And thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

Kumquat may

"Although it's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby now has completed the most critical portion of it's development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in it's body rapidly grow and mature. Tiny nails are forming on fingers and toes and peach-fuzz hair is beginning to grow on tender skin."

Such big smiles those words bring to my face, and a song to my heart...

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

175

The three of us went to my doctor appointment today.
Reece seemed equally excited about seeing the baby as he was in getting a lollipop.

Things are different this pregnancy, that's for sure. Last time, I had appointments AND sonograms at 5 weeks, 6 weeks, 9 weeks, and 12 weeks.

So naturally, I thought we'd have one this time. When Dr H came in, he said we'd just listen today unless we couldn't hear it and then we'd sono. I really didn't find myself disappointed, only that I had prepped Reece for seeing the baby. He kept saying he wanted to see it, but he was fine.

Wop, wop, wop, wop came the sound on the doppler. It was clear and strong...strong at 175 bpm. I think that's pretty fast. At Reece's 13 week appointment, his heart beat at 166 bpm, and we thought that was on the faster side. I remember the wives tales saying fast heartbeats indicate girls. Oh how people like to guess. Feel free to.

Dr H was great today, and genuinely seems so thrilled for us. He said that everything looks so great and he feels like this baby is just meant to be here. I hope so. I pray so.

In the mean time, thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

My little helper

In preparation for the doctor's appointment tomorrow, Reece and I were talking about the baby tonight.

Using our fingers to demonstrate, we talked about how it was pea-sized, then like a grape, and now even bigger than that. I showed him how big it would get before it would be ready to come out.

Then, he asked where it will it come out, and I told him.
Next he said, "Will we need a ladder?" I giggled and told him no.
He continued his thought, "When it's time, I can help get the baby out for you. I'm very strong."

Thanks, sweetie, for your offer. I think the doctors will have it covered. But know that you're pretty darn cute and a great little helper.

My orange shirt

I only bought one or two nice pregnancy clothes when pregnant with Reece. You all know I prefer hand-me-downs and not spending much money, especially for clothes for such a short period of time.

But if you'd been around me when I was pregnant with Reece, you'd remember my orange shirt. I'm so lame and so cheap (in some areas) that I wore this beloved orange shirt to 4 of the 5 showers that were held for us. THE SAME SHIRT.

It was cotton and stretchy, and soooooo comfy. I know at least one other pregnant friend got to enjoy it after me. : )

Today, I wore my orange shirt. It was like having coffee with an old friend. With fashions these days and my still small belly, it probably didn't look much like a pregnancy top. But, it was one, and it was comfy.

I am so thankful that I get to wear it again. Not really because it's so comfortable, but because of what it means. It means I'm pregnant again...and I'm reliving this dream once more.
Lord, I am so thankful of your blessing.
Thank you for another day.

10

10 weeks and counting.
So thankful.

Not much time for blogging these days.
Tired for one. Bedtime is earlier than it used to be, and I've taken a handful of naps while Reece has. So thankful I can do that.

I'm beat in the evenings. Dinner: the prepping, cooking, and clean-up routine often does me in. Darren has stepped in often, including letting me sleep in on the weekends. He's been patient. I'm thankful.

Headaches have been less and nausea has been too. Still there, but not as strong. Again, I'm thankful.

People have overwhelmed me with their joy for us and what God is doing. Less blogging, but no less thankful.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Grape

I think I'm a week ahead, but we'll know better next Friday after the sono.
So, if I go by the current due date, I read yesterday that my little bean sprout is about the size of grape.

Had fully intended on giving you a photo of one for a visual, but I'm feeling so yuck that taking photos of grapes are falling down low on my priority list.

Praise God for that little grape and for all the yuck that goes with it right now.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

An apple a day

Haven't really had any cravings just yet. May be a bit early for that.
Mostly nothing sounds good, rather than me craving something in particular.

But, a staple in my diet is apples. Honey Crisp rock the house and this little belly too. I have at least one every day.

And who knows, the old wives tale may just be true.
: )

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Hand-me-downs

I'm a fan of recycling, including hand-me-down toys and clothes.
Today, I got a pile of hand-me-down pregger clothes, and boy is it fun.

A few are mine I am getting back, and that's no less exciting.
I've been the one passing mine along, and then having the awkward conversation when my friends politely offer them back to me.

But today, I got some! And it's a whole new season, as it'll be summer (instead of winter) when I'm big. So, bring on the hand-me-downs!
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

9 weeks

9 weeks and I couldn't be more excited.

At the same time, I can't help but think of people struggling and in desperate desire for a blessing of their own. Some yearn for a child, some yearn for healing, some yearn for comfort from a loss, and some just yearn for rest. I am praying for you, even those I don't know.

For what I do know is that I'm no one special. I'm no more special, Godly, righteous, or worthy of a blessing than anyone else. I am no more worthy.

God, thank you for this blessing. I do not know why I get to receive it, but know that I hold onto it tightly, preciously, and with great, great thankfulness.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Sweet surprise

Saw a movie with Mom last night. It reminded me of something I'd been thankful for and wanted to capture.

With Reece, I took a test exactly 2 weeks after the IUI. For some, that may sound like a long time. But for someone that had been doing this roller coaster ride a while, it became more wisdom and self-protection to wait until it would be a trustworthy result. We had tested so, so many times before, and we had done this exact procedure 3 times before.

This time, I didn't even realize there was a possibility until that morning in the shower. It was almost like a movie. I wasn't recording info anymore. Covered only in a towel and dripping, I ran into the other room to get my purse. Checked the calendar which confirmed that there was a chance. I trotted back to the bathroom and scrambled around in the cabinets, finding 1 lone test. Part of me felt a little silly even trying, as the doctors had told me IVF was the only way. But, nevertheless, I tested. I watched that thing and the faintest of pink lines showed. I kept looking...am I sure it's there or just imagining it?

I am so thankful for the unexpected joy that day. Not just for the blessing of the child, but even for the blessing of just being surprised. Finding out I'm pregnant unexpectedly, unplanned, unmedicated, and not premeditated. It was how so many normal, fertile women find out they are pregnant.

I can't tell you exactly why that makes me so emotional and grateful, but know that I am. Perhaps when you think for so long that something is wrong with you as a woman and weren't designed to be a mother, you start to believe it. But, tee hee, now I know how it feels for it to just happen. It's absolutely sweet, sweet.

I am so grateful to have experienced the sweet surprise of becoming pregnant. Lord, thank you, thank you, for another day.

8 weeks

8 weeks, eeeee!
I may have to recalculate the weeks based on my due date. But my headaches are too strong for that kind of math today.
Most importantly, thank you, Lord, for another day.

Very Merry

There was a time I wondered why and how God had put me in this small group of women in bible study. After all, there were 5 pregnant women. I didn't allow myself to ponder it long, or wallow in the odds and irony of that.

Little did we know there were going to be 6.
tee hee!

Thank you, Lord, for another day.
And thank you especially for the life you have given us in your son.
Merry Christmas.

Beating heart

Today, today was the first sonogram. I've been soooo excited to see that little sprout and hear the little bitty heartbeat.

Darren and I were there together with Tootie and Reece in the waiting area. We had planned to bring Reece in, once we got the confirmation that all was ok.

Well, Dr. H didn't give us just an okay, but in fact a 'perfect'. He said, 'everything just looks perfect'. He also said what a testament and great reminder that God is in control. 'Awesome' and 'crazy great' were other terms we used today.Although we didn't try to record or listen to the heartbeat today, my favorite part was seeing it. The little bean sprout may look like a blob right now, but there was no mistaking the little bitty beating heart we saw. As it beat fast and fluttery, my beating heart paused with delight. Darren squeezed my hand. Just one more confirmation of what God can do.Dr. H reminded me what I could and couldn't eat and drink and do. And then he said with confidence that he thinks this baby is staying in there. He just has a good really feeling. Me too, Dr. H.

I totally forgot to ask about the due date (crazy, I know), but later saw that 8/14/09 is on the sono. It's really close to Truett's birthday, and brings back memories about a very special day and another miracle.

I think it was a blessing we were in there when we were today. Another patient had some kind of 'anomaly', of which I don't know the details, but know it was heartbreaking news. Dr. H and the staff weren't quite their normal selves, Dr. H especially. Plus, he was running 45 minutes behind from some late comers.

I think that little bean sprout brought a little joy back into the day, and encouraged their hearts once again. Although, Dr. H didn't have time to show Reece the baby, Darren and I both understood that's how it was supposed to be today.

Lord, my heart does break for that family today, as my tears turn from joy to sadness. Please be strength where they cannot be. I pray that they draw closer to you through this, Lord. Thank you for allowing this little bean sprout to be a source of encouragement today. And, thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

showing

A close friend told me last night that I looked pregnant. In the moment, I wasn't sure I liked that. After all, it's only 7 weeks and I know I didn't show for a while with Reece.

My body is CERTAINLY not the same as it was before Reece, but I still thought she was just seeing my delightful muffin top with a bulky belt on underneath.

But, I just got out of the shower, looked in the mirror, and realized she is right in so many ways. It seems unbelievable that my body has already started making adjustments in preparation for this baby to grow and grow. But, the truth spoke right in that mirror, front and side views. I am wider. From my upper waist to my upper legs has already expanded a little. And, my pooch now begins from under my chest downward.

So, at least in the ways that I can tell (and obviously a few others), I'm showing. The winter tops I wore last winter now seem oddly short. Pants are tight and tops are too. My fitted top look isn't going to serve me well right now. I'll come up with something.

Just as every pregnant day is a celebration, I'm going to work to embrace my new look.

I'm showing! I'm showing! (tee hee)
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

7 weeks

7 weeks today. WHOOOOO HOOOOOO!

I realized that the headaches are largely due to sinuses. The extra mucus that my body is generating is a culprit. When I bend over or lean down, my teeth hurt immediately and any pain that wasn't already in my head rushes there to join the others. Tried a sinucleanse this morning. Not sure it helped much, but I will keep trying.

I can often feel my heart beat in my stomach. That's always been the case. It's cool b/c sometimes you can see it when I lie down. The other day while on my side, I thought I may have felt another, faster beat. It's probably extraordinarily unlikely, but really got me excited about Tuesday's appointment.

Thankful for today, looking forward to Reece's 3rd birthday, and an appointment to hear the heartbeat of this miracle little bean sprout.

Thank you, thank you, Lord, for another day.

sticking around

What a beautiful day it is today. It's wreaking havoc on my sinuses, but was so nice to spend some time at the park today and outdoors.

I can see that headaches and nausea are going to stick around a while as my body goes through some crazy stuff preparing to grow this little bitty life inside.

At some point, I may break down and take something. I've tried to hold off.
I feel so worthless. I can get going in the morning, but by Reece's naptime, I'm doing good just to be vertical. A gal that used to let her son watch 1 or 2 episodes of Sesame Street a week, now allows a daily dose. Laundry, dinner preparation, and general housekeeping isn't quite getting done. I still can't help feeling losery. Truth is that I just don't feel good. Seriously, not good most of the time right now.

But, I'm trying to ignore the losery voices. What my body is doing right now is so awesome and so important. I'm so excited for that still!

I've done pretty well in giving myself grace so far. It's such a busy time with Reece's birthday and Christmas. And, someone is about to turn 40. 40 and preggers...I LOVE IT!

Darren has been so great and not made me feel inept at all. He's been willing to eat leftover meat loaf a million times and pick up dinner other times. He took over the other night when I crashed before 9. I'm so thankful for him. And I know his patience is also silent joy for this little miracle God gave.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Headaches

I've had a few headaches. Painful ones where I feel like I'm squinting my eyes all day. Migraines quite possibly. Yesterday was my second most nauseous day. Today, may be a third.

Headaches and nausea. Praise God.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Before 9

Yesterday, I did too much. I didn't plan it too full, it just ended up that way. My capacity is less right now, as I'm pretty tired as it is from just a regular day. I was so wiped out yesterday that I went to bed before 9, and I think before my guy even went to sleep.

I had done too much carrying, lifting, holding, and going, and my body was weary. I could feel it. It was the first day I felt scared. I prayed and prayed for God to protect this little baby and miracle.

Thank you and praise you, Lord, for another day.

Reminiscing

Last night, I reminisced. I pulled up my blog to see when I had my first sono with Reece. I realized I had two by now. One to confirm the sac at 5 weeks, and the second, the very next week to see the heartbeat.

My first sono is Tuesday next week, the 23rd, at 7 weeks, which also is day after Reece's 3rd birthday. I'm looking forward to seeing that little sprout and hearing the thump, thump sound.

Reece sat in my lap yesterday afternoon as we went through the pictures of the sonograms, my pregnant belly, at the hospital delivering, and then back home with that tiny little baby. He was pretty fascinated and inquisitive. It may have been a little mind blowing, but you know, it still is to me too. I look at that long body now, and can't believe he's grown so much already.

It was a sweet time then, yesterday, and again today. I look forward to next week, and eventually telling him the news. Know that I can't wait to tell him, but will try to be patient until my hub is ready.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

6 weeks

6 weeks.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Holding Back

After sharing the news with my nurse and also pregnant friend (see below) today, I told her something silly I do.

Although every day there is a little extra spring in my step, I've been holding back something. When I start laughing hard or have to cough, I try to hold back a little.

Somehow I think I could cough or laugh this baby right out.
She giggled slightly, and assured me that was not the case.

So, bring on the one-liners and side splitters. And, I look forward to the day my belly jiggles like a bowl full of jelly when someone tells a good one.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Something in the water

Man, I'm thirsty all the time. Water, there's something in it that my body yearns for right now. I even wake up in the night dry-mouthed and desperate for a sip.

Woke up twice last night for some and now I'm up before 6am. VERY, VERY odd for those that know me.
But, here I am and so thankful.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Crazy good God

Back in October, a good friend (one of my few with only one babe) told me of her news. She'd been trying for quite a while and really battled the roller coaster ride, as many others around her were pregnant with 2nds and 3rds.

Although different ones, she had some antibody issues like me.
She was on all kinds of meds to keep those antibodies at bay.
A nurse, the idea of medicine was pretty comfortable to her, and at least it was something she could be actively doing to improve her odds, she thought.

Month after month wore on her, though, and I think it became hard to spend time with so many pregnant ladies in our circles. I hadn't seen her as much lately as I had in previous months.

But that day, she shared the awesome news that she was pregnant.
After I hugged and squeezed her, I had to ask some questions...had to know her story. Had she done IVF, IUI?

Nope. She had been sick the month or two previously and gotten off the plethora of medications. She said she didn't even think the timing was right between not feeling well and her hubby traveling.

Crazy. Crazy good. Crazy good God.
I immediately got goosebumps.
God blessed her with a baby. Period.
A joy and peace came over me as I kept telling her how much I love what God did. (And those aren't words I usually use to describe my emotions.) In that month, she surely was thinking that she lost another month or two because of being sick. But God reminded her otherwise - He can overcome sickness, medicine, diagnoses, and statistics.

I never felt jealous or bitter about her being pregnant. And I say that not to be nice or with any pride, but actually because I was surprised that I wasn't at least a little. I just felt excited for her and what God had done.

And, I felt encouraged.
I didn't know why I felt that way. But, now I do.

It's kind of like the same way that bus sign and then the second bean sprout gave me hope.

Lord, thank you for your Holy Spirit. When I stay close to you and keep my guarded, over-thinking brain at bay, you open my eyes to what is likely just a tiny squint of what you have in store.
Lord, and thank you, thank you, for one more day.

The door opened

I re-read this post today...a reminder from February.

Tripling

Got the HCG numbers back this morning.
From 176 on Thursday to 1550 on Monday.
Fantastic. Thank you, Lord for another day.

Naw-shuhs

This morning I didn't think I felt so great, but maybe I was just tired from the trip.

Nope. NAUSEOUS! I feel like I could majorly but haven't.
I have to say, I'm a little giddy over being pukey.
Never has feeling pukey been so exciting.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.

A doctor who believes

Drove straight from Houston to the doctor's office to get blood drawn. Dr wanted to confirm HCG levels are tripling.

I took Reece to the bathroom and ran into Dr. H.
I looked at him and squealed (softly) with my hands cheering in the air.
The conversation went something like this:

Dr H.: "Congratulations!"
Me: "I know, can you believe it?"
Dr H.: "I believe it, because I believe." (as he pointed upward)

I was overcome by the truth of his words, and so thankful that a doctor of medicine could know so clearly and quickly what I already knew.

Dr H.: "It is miraculous."

Indeed.
Thank you, Lord, for another day.

Something to smile about

Reece and I went to the twin's 2nd birthday party today.
Two trips to Houston in a week.
I was so glad we did, and that we spent the night.

After the twins went to bed and everyone left, I told my cousin the news tonight. He squeezed me soooo tight and began crying immediately. He kept saying how good that was and how excited he was for us.

Then he said,

"Leslie really wanted you two to get pregnant again.
She talked about it often.
I haven't smiled like this in a while.
Thank you for giving me something to be happy about."

Thank you, Lord, for giving him a beautiful reminder of your love and grace in all of this.
And, thank you for another day.

Answers

People want answers. They like answers.
A few people told me, 'See, you just needed to relax'.
It's not about relaxing or not trying to get pregnant.

It is God.
When the world says you can't, He reminds us that the world is right.
We can't, but He can.

Thank you, Lord, for another day.
Let your great name be known to all the earth.

Day 2

Last night, I prayed thankfulness for another day of being pregnant and prayed for yet another day.
This morning, I thanked God for this, another day.

Every night and morning this will be my prayer.
Thank you, Lord.

A simple vitamin

As I get ready for bed, I look in the mirror and see that the smile still hasn't left my face. I reach for my toothbrush and realize there is something else I need to do first. Take my prenatal vitamin.

Never has taking a simple vitamin been so much fun.
A joyful day.
Thank you, Lord.

Details

This morning in the shower, a renewed song in my heart, I had a thought. I got out, scrambled around to find 1 test. Just 1, that's all I had.

Took it and watched it, as I had so many, many times before (but had been a while). The first line came in solid, and as always, I wondered just for a second if that was the control line. Yes, Sundee, it ALWAYS is.

Then, slowly, a faint, faint, light pink line was forming. Was I really seeing something, or were my eyes just deceiving me? Wait, I never before thought I saw something when I didn't...I just wondered if I needed to wait longer.

I SAW SOMETHING. I wept. I was in shock. I was a little afraid to be excited. I prayed. I called Darren. I stumbled and stuttered in trying to tell him what I saw. He was stunned and excited, and I think a little cautious too.

Called the doctor and got in at 10. If there is a baby in there, I better get a scrip for Prometrium and keep that lining thick. I've always had trouble with my progesterone levels.

Reece and I went in at 10. I happily got stuck, and Reece got band aids and a dum dum (lollipop). Then, the wait. The nurse said it would be this afternoon, but the phlebotomist said less than an hour.

A friend came over for lunch and the kids played. It helped pass the time. I wanted to jump up and down and scream, but I still found myself cautious and waiting for the blood test.

At 2:45 while Reece had been napping for a bit, I called the nurse and left a message. I told her that I waited as long I could and hope I wasn't bothering her. I also told her not to worry because I'd be ok either way (only the Lord gave me that kind of perspective).

She called back about 30 minutes later, and I clung to every word. I analyzed whether peppy or solemn - couldn't tell. She said "Well, actually, it is positive." I said, "REALLY!" and burst into tears. I could not believe it and yet, I did. I knew that God can perform miracles, but thought that was only in biblical or perhaps someone dying. I didn't think they were for ordinary people like me.

Miracle, that's not a word I use. It sounds mysterious and a little foreign. But that IS the word I used for this. Amongst what many would say was infertile ground, where only needles, medicines, and doctors could help, God intervened.

I cry as I write that again. I'm humbled and overwhelmed and incredibly thankful.
I am not deserving. Yet today I am pregnant.

No matter what happens. No matter what...I will always know that today is a gift. A MIRACLE.

The nurse told me something else. That although on my own, my progesterone levels were always borderline at best, today they were fantastic. 10 is low to acceptable, 20 is where they'd like it to be, and 32.1 is where mine is.
No medicine needed. Just God.

The evening before

Returned from Houston last night after a sweet but heart aching service for my cousin's wife. She was a vivacious woman, someone who squeezed every moment out of life, and with a song in her heart. I wept so much on the way home, for my cousin, for the twins, and for the reminder that the life on earth can be so short. Above It All and The Spirit Lives On from Building 429 echoed in the back as I prayed.

I also felt thankful. Yes, death had taken her, but God has taken her from death. And even though this beautiful family was separated now, in God's view of time, I know it's just a blink until they are together again.

I liked the way she grabbed life and found joy in every part of it, even the busy parts.

That night, I vowed to not to let the small details of life get in the way of joy as they do on some days. I vowed to take better care of myself.

I could picture an even more joyful, fun-loving me, and felt a little excited for tomorrow's new attitude.

They really do

From back in April... (click here to read the full post)And today...Admidst what doctors called unfertile ground, God created life.
Hallelujah. Miracles really do happen.

And no matter what happens and how long I carry this little bean sprout, I will never forget this day. Today, I am pregnant.
It is a miracle straight from God.

Thank you, Lord, for this little bean sprout growing inside of me.
I am overwhelmed with gratefulness...and amazed at your blessing.